hobbitydoo

2006-07-01T23:44:00.001+08:00

NEW BLOG!!!

http://sunsetcradle.livejournal.com :)

2006-02-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

After 2 months of absence, i'm back to blogging here. I haven't been blogging that much in fact, although i've been thinking about so much things these past 5 months compared to probably my whole life. I guess i can never figure out a way to say the things i want to, although when i'm not sitting in front of the computer, such profound thoughts that would have made brilliant entries come to mind. and i guess with my other blog i feel more pressured, since i know people do read it. And well, knowing that nobody goes to this one anymore, i can pretty much say anything i want to without having the pressure of actually making sense. but who knows, maybe tonight will be a good night.

So, where DO i start??

We did it again.
Our show turned our okay. For those who don't know (if, by some odd chance someone happens to drop by here), we had a re-run of our last summer's workshop production but this time it was called Looney Alley. The cast was cut down from nearly 40 people to a mere 16, this time having only the leads; or at least, those who could join. The final cast composed of Andre, Jam,Mimi,Eina,Ina,Trixie,Sam,Jorel,Jay-ar,JC,JP,Ton,Sherwin, Tom and of course, me. Rehearsals went on for only about 6 weeks, and only during weekends except for show week. We also had 2 mini-shows for Rotary Club in order to get sponsors and stuff. Well in short, it was back to all of us getting together again, going home late, kain, kwento, mang-gago, singing, dancing,laughing, the likes of the past summer. And all i can say is that it ended way to fast. The show came and gone and in a snap it was over. Another taste of euphoria and bliss taken away so suddenly. Ugh. But it was fun while it lasted, and it was just what i needed to finally get things off my back. Thanks to certain people and events, i now understand why the things that happened happened. And i don't feel regret or anger or anything, just understanding. Fiiiiinally. Always thought i'd move on by just forgetting it without really understanding everything. Well, here's the full end to that whole thingamajiggy, hopefully.

Dreams, dreams, dreams.
I've been thinking a lot about my life and where i want it to go. I've always hated questions like "Where do you see yourself 5-10 years from now?" because i never really could answer it. I've already had my advisement for the 2 tracks i want to take in my course, and although i did start out wanting communication and psychology, i suddenly wanted to take information design. Theater Arts was one of the choices as well, but i didn't want to take it since i think i could still go into theater without having to take it up. All this also led me to think about this summer. This will be the first summer in 4 straight years that i will not join Rep's workshops. Every year i used to look forward to it and would even blow off the chance of going to another country for the chance to join Rep. (For those who don't know, i am a frustrated traveller.) That's how much i loved it. But now i actually don't want to anymore. If possible, i wanna go out and do the real thing, or atleast try something new. This is my year of new beginnings, and this summer would be the best opportunity. I wanted to work in Starbucks, or just do something i never really thought i would or could do. I'm only going to have 6 units during summer, so there'd be a lot of time. Sigh, dreams, dreams, dreams.

People Power again.
This year we celebrate the 20th anniversary of the 1st people power revolution against President Marcos in 1986. As the media said, today though is a "day of irony" as thousands of people have gone to EDSA and Ayala Avenue to rally against GMA. A "state of emergency" has been declared, but its validation is being questioned. Scares of coup de etat and Martial Law are up again, and i couldn't feel more baffled with feelings of anger and fear of this whole thing. I think Gloria has lost it. If Martial Law does get declared, i might even be arrested for saying that. It's times like these where your whole life and future seem to flash right in front of you while you sit restless and helpless at home.

Power of prayer, everybody.

2005-12-25T13:29:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS Everyone!!!! :o)

find her missing piece.

2005-12-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

Ha. Since no one really knows about this blog or has forgotten it, I shall release and relieve myself by way of this space.

So what's been happening? I don't know. It seems the world around me has followed my example and has become unfortunate and/or cynical. My poor blockmates who used to have someone......well, don't anymore, to put it simply. It makes me feel worse coz seeing that other people are happy helps me become the jolly,skippy,hoppy me again. Knowing that others are doing okay gives me a sense of hope. So much for that.

I feel like so many things have changed, like i've changed but i'm not sure exactly how. this year's christams season feels different too... not that last year's was really happy or merry either, but I always expect the christmas season to cheer me up despite everything that's happened within the year. I feel like this huge fraction of me has been taken away. Maybe it's also coz i've been apart from my friends for so long too, and the activities that we used to have annually in OB are over, so my "rituals" are all messed up. I guess people really do have a need for a routine sometimes. Do you ever feel the urge to blow really hard when you see a line of ants going back and forth to wherever it is they're going? just to see them scramble about and then go back to their business? I feel like one of those ants i've so often bullied, but can't seem to return to my business normally. I mean, i'd be all-smiley and happy, but inside it just doesn't feel the same. And so my mask is worn again, hoping that I would believe it myself.

but who am i kidding in the end?

Yup. Just me, only me. . . .

always me.

2005-11-26T19:17:00.000+08:00

What's worse, the feeling of intense anger or intense guilt?

would you rather feel hate, or feel hated? If I could refrain from dealing with both, I certainly would, but I, unfortunately am human as well and cannot restrain from feeling either. I constantly keep wishing that the world I see in my daydreams could be the one that I had to live in. A world where the sky would stay in sunset or twilight mode, where things or people would never have to grow old, and where you'd never have to worry about anything. Time would be endless, and could rewind, fast forward or freeze as you please. In short, I still dream of a world where I could belong, where I could be alone but not FEEL alone. I still dream of Neverland.

I never am good with dealing with any emotion other than happy. If i feel anything else it tends to eat me up and chew me into thousands of miniscule pieces before spitting me out on the ground. All I would ever feel or think about for that entire day would be that feeling. But between anger and guilt, I guess I'd rather feel anger for the reason that I can easily brainwash myself to think that it's okay, or it's not that bad, and sometimes even just let it pass. but I don't think I could ever live with myself again if I felt really guilty about something. So when the time comes when someone does me wrong, all I really want is a whole-hearted sorry and i'm okay. I could even forget about the whole thing. But I just really want to avoid having to avoid, or being avoided. It eats me up to the same intensity of feeling any negative feeling coz I don't know whether it's my fault or not or whatever. That's one sure way to make me crazy.

Now I think i'm just babbling. but basta....

I HATE ignoring and being ignored.

2005-11-09T15:25:00.000+08:00

Ateneo BLUE REPERTORY Presents...

SWEET CHARITY OPEN AUDITIONS!
- Open to anyone in and out of the Ateneo

November 11 (Friday), 1PM to 3PM Gonzaga Dance Hall, 3rd Flr. Gonzaga Building (SONG). Prepare a Broadway Song, sung in acapella, with minus one, or piano piece. Bring 1X1 pic for audition forms. dANCE CALLbacks also on November 11,3pm to 5pm. So wear comfy clothes and shoes!
November 12 (Saturday), CALLBACKS, 1pm to 5pm, Gonzaga Dance Hall.
Please don't be late, since no song auditions after 3pm on Nov11. Please bring P40 for dstudy cds if u are called back

Don't miss this opportunity to be in a Tony Award winning and Bob Fosse original musical, BLUEREP'S BIGGEST PRODUCTION FOR THIS SCHOOL YEAR!! (Will be staged Feb24, 25, and March 3& 4, directed by Chari Arespacochaga and musical direction by Manman Angsico).

SPREAD THE WORD!! SEE U THERE!!

2005-11-08T12:44:00.000+08:00

Je deteste.

2005-11-01T13:38:00.000+08:00

Twilight

I was stained with a role in a day not my own
As you walked into my life
You showed what needed to be shown
I always knew what was right
I just didn’t know that I might
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight

And I will never see the sky the same way
And I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday
And I will never cease to fly if held down
And I will always reach too high
‘Cause I’ve seen,‘cause I’ve seen
Twilight

Never cared, never wanted, never sought to see what flaunted
So on purpose, so in my face, couldn’t see beyond my own place
And it was so easy not to behold what I could hold
But you taught me I could change
Whatever came within these shallow days

And I will never see the sky the same way
And I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday
And I will never cease to fly if held down
And I will always reach too high
‘Cause I’ve seen, ‘cause I’ve seen...

As the sun shines through it pushes away and pushes ahead
It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead
And I didn’t know that I could be so blind to all that is so real
But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed

I was stained by a role in a day not my own
But as you walked into my life
You showed what needed to be shown
I always knew what was right
I just didn’t know that I might
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight

2005-10-25T02:09:00.000+08:00

Untitled

In this world of superficialties,
of deception and doubt,
of danger and of fear
of all that lurks about,
I found in you a safe place.

You eased all pains
and opened my eyes
showing me that there was nothing to fear;
not when you were there.
You were my courage
and strength to face the world.
It didn't matter that I was unarmed,
not when you were there.
You taught me the world's greatest secrets
and we listened quietly to life's song
but the silence never bothered me..
not when you were there.

In the still of the night
when darkness is at its peak
I'll dream my worries away
and go home to my safe place

You will always be home.

I couldn't sleep tonight, so like I usually do when insomnia gets to me, I rummaged through my things to find something worth digging up again or some forgotten piece of random thing. (there are endless pieces of random things in my room). Tonight I took out one of my writing/doodle notebooks. Not a particularly old one, just one that I don't so often use anymore. I found this written 4 months ago. Of course, it aint a nobel prize worthy piece, but I do remember specifically what I was feeling when I wrote it. I wasn't trying to be all poetic or anything,I know I'm not profound enough to be a good writer.
I used to like writing a lot more when I was younger, but as I got older I guess I just stopped. I stopped the stories, the poems, the very short prose, and i'm still not exactly sure why. I guess things just got more complicated as we grew up and I didn't find the time and the right enough imagination to continue. I once started a story when I was 13, and I could only continue it every summer when there was no school. It went on and on until I was about 15 or 16, and then I stopped because I couldn't remember how it was going to end. I didn't wanna change the ending because the story was based on a dream I had, and I just invented the rest to come up with a whole story while still retaining the main point from the dream. As time went on, I forgot the whole thing altogether, and can't even find the notebook where I wrote it anymore. I've a strange feeling I threw it away when our room was being renovated. After that I just kinda wrote whenever it was required or when I really felt like it. My journals were never up to date anymore, and I remember stopping to write in mid-kwento due to whatever distraction. Hence, the decline of my writing skills, had there even been any. If not for my blog, I still probably wouldn't be writing. It's not that I don't like to write anymore, it's just that i'm kind of intimidated by it for some reason.

Anyways, this in fact wasn't even really meant to be a poem. It's just...a release of words. of emotions. Here's something else I got from the same notebook:

Nothing

Am I, are we really existent?
Or do we ever prowl in endless seas?
Am I really here right now, inscribing?
Or am I but a fragment of the mind?

The wry road of endless, eternal life
Is but an extinct yet profound dream
I truly do not exist in the world
I am but a fruit of the will to live

The will to live allows us to go on
It allows us to strive on and on
It gives us meaning, significance
Simply why we are never nothing.

Would you believe me if I told you a 5th grader wrote that? Well, one did. Now at 17, his simple written down thoughts influence, entertain, and inspire and make me wish that I still had the same fondness for writing that I had had before. I am pleased to say that I personally know the author and hopefully, we remain to be good friends.

~Whether you decide to pursue writing as a career or not, you know there will always be people listening. And on the day of publishing of your first bestseller, you'll notice a familiar-looking little girl all anxious and excited, waiting first in line.~

2005-10-24T02:14:00.000+08:00

Wishful thinking
By Duncan Shiek

Listen to the waves
Everything communicates
Will it ever be
Anything more
Than wishful thinking?
Oh no there you go
Looked away and
Missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?

Feel the blades of grass
How it brings you back
It will always be
Only as green
As you can see
Oh no there you go
Looked away and
Missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?
Oh yeah fooled again
I don't know how
And I don't know when
Not much else to blame
But wishful thinking

Little breakdowns
In coastal towns
They come suddenly
Crashing over you
They come easily
I'm falling
Through the skies
And frozen places

Oh no there you go
Looked away and
Missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive
Oh yeah fooled again
I don't know how
And I don't know when
Not much else to blame
But wishful thinking

And I try to realize
That I needn't look
Any further
The whole of
The universe
Is plain to see
And I try not to rely
On another world
Or the future
The whole of
The universe
Is a mystery

And it gets me over
It gets me over you ohhh
And it gets me over
It gets me over you

2005-10-11T19:42:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to Jiggy and Claud, my 2 most beloved seatmates..... I found this in buried under one of my drawers, and it made me laugh for about 5 mintues straight. hehehe....miss you both to bits!!!!

MGA ANAK NI JIGGY at CLAUD ONG:
By Patricia Torres and 4H
(to those who don't get it.....you'll figure it out ;D )

Kangk
Gat
Purunt
Wal
Bago
Il
Sakn
Pag
Tipakl
Bag
Balis
Nin
Bakt
Sar
Kand
Dingd
Ut
Dug
Pay
Kul
Tan
Pulut
Isapat
Gint
Tongtongt
Tortang
Tal
Kaninapat
Pancit Kant
Pakit
Bar
Gag
Marun
Kit
Manggugol
Tal
Kinul
Bulut
Tul
Peraobay
Kurik
Kut
Sump
Galungg
Gungg
Bit
Sumb
Kingk
Ink
Gul
Man
Pit
Katul
Get
Ket
Bul
Prit
Pat
Galup
Sin
Bent
Pangul
Senad
Sumosobranat
Pasul

hahahaha........ I miss being a bully and being "bullied" by you two, and when the corniest things would be "hazel's fault", or Jiggy's quotes for the day and the never-ending use of my liquid paper/scissors/ruler/calligraphy paper/everything else in my national book store. Miss you,seatmates! :)

2005-09-21T00:25:00.000+08:00

3 Days more till the show.... God, i wish it all goes well, otherwise these 2 months of rehearsals would all just go down the drain. I'm excited, but also extremely out-of-my-wits-nervous for it. I finally got one of my dream roles, and i'm praying that i dont screw it up :(
Oh yeah, Riva, the girl who's gonna play Kim McCaffe in Bye Bye Birdie can't be there for the sunday aftrenoon show, so I'm gonna be her back-up. I had Nooooo idea playing Kim would be so complicated. I'ts not as easy as it looks!! We have several shows for celadon and other events too before the tech run on friday, and masasabayan pa siya ng physics long test and report on the same day. UGH.YOU ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I ABHORE PHYSICS RIGHT NOW. >:(
Can't wait till it's all over...then again, like i said, i'm really gonna miss it. Sure i'll have more time to finally do other stuff, but i wont find as much things to preoccupy me anymore. And I really, REALLY do not wanna be left alone with myself right now. I dowanna face me just yet. Haaaay, wish me luck you guys.....Oh, and I hope you can watch,hehehehe. :)

"All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind,
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
Ooh,I wanna run with the wild horses ....."

2005-09-15T10:17:00.000+08:00

FUDGE. This Absolutely SUCKS. Aaaagggghhh, I am mutilating, what is happening?!? (o.0)

missing..hating it...mutilating.

I wanna be reborn from the ashes.

2005-09-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

Got here sooner than expected
seems like i've been looking too much at the sun
not seeing the clouds that were trying to cover it up
to try and stop me from getting burned
I didn't listen
I wouldn't listen
I didn't want to think any thoughts but my own
had to make my own decisions
had to pave my own path
got up from behind their shadows
to face it on my own
still i refuse to believe
what is obviously being shown
no, i refuse to believe
that this is all i'll ever know
coz i'm looking deeper,
seeing what others cant really see
to take in everything
that life has decided to show me
I refuse to turn my back
I know i'll still be holding on
till I can find the answers
to the prayers i'll never let go of
till i can understand
till i can reach the sky
till the hands of time are met
I refuse to believe
that things wont ever change
I'll make them see
make you see
make me see
there's more to life than the visible
and its more than the impossible
because you've proven to me
that the impossible is merely nothing.

2005-08-16T23:27:00.000+08:00

Hayayay....

Math Midterms are at last over, but that means it's time for everything else to come rushing in. I feel sooooo bad... the midterms were easier than i expected, but my math quizzes aren't so good. Kasi naman, i ALWAYS understand it better after we've been given a quiz or something. Peste naman! Naaasar talaga ako, troubles with my studies affect me the most, coz it used to be my outlet to get away from other problems.. but since this IS the problem, hay ewan ko na. Maybe it's coz i'm always so tired and sleepy in class that i don't absorb anything anymore. I know i have BlueRep to supposedly even out the stress i'm having with all the fun, but if anything, it just adds pressure and can sometimes be a hassle. Like when I finally have free time to go and research or do something for school, bigla nalang may magte-text saying that i have to meet up with them for rehearsals. I can't NOT go rin naman coz i do need it. Being Ti Moune isn't as easy as i would've imagined. It's not enough that you love the character you're playing, but it also requires the TIME to internalize what she should be feeling in this particular part, etc. And TIME isn't that easy to come by lately. PLUUUUS, that one prolonging note in "waiting for life" is killing me. Can't seem to do it, and i get so frustrated and disappointed!! Aaaaaarrrgggh! And I get so intimidated byt he people in Blue Rep, nahihiya na rin akong ilabas...which sucks coz I know I can do better than what I've been doing. I'm so dissapointed with a lot of things. Sorry for all this ranting, i just need to let it out. <:-(

2005-08-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

Here we go again.

I'm all alone at home on a saturday night. I was supposed to go to Gian's despedida party, but i really needed to stay at home and study for my math midterns on Monday. Hooray(x_x). Where are the rest of the people? Well, my mom's in Baguio, my brother's out with his girlfriend and friends getting drunk, my lola's out playing mah-jongg and my sister's in Laguna at my dad's house probably having tons of fun. I originally planned to reward myself to a dvd marathon alone after studying, but now i don't feel up to it too much.

We can never have the best of both worlds. When it seems like everything's going pretty well, I have learned to enjoy it all but also get ready to duck and run for cover, for something sucky is sure to follow. It may sound pessimistic, but it's true! The good thing about it though is that you also know(or at least hope) that something good will follow that too. Well, i'm having another one of those times. It's both a good and bad thing i guess, coz at least I know it isn't something fabricated or something the 6th grader patricia would think.(why is it that i always compare the me now to the me in the 6th grade??Hmm...haha,memories. EEEEK. Jas, stop me.)
I already know the answer to something i've been asked a lot of times. And in every one of those times, i wouldn't give a straight and confident answer. Heck, I wouldn't even give an answer period. Well this time i asked myself, and lo and behold.... i got an answer! Freshly baked and ready to serve. (Uhhh..pretzels? *immitates the annoying voice of the girl selling auntie anne's at school* "ma'am, sir, get your freshly baked pretzels!") I dug it out of me na talaga, and i knew it all along pala. Just like in school, i understand the lessons soooooo much better AFTER a test or something.How nice. (Go speed racer,go...) It's freaky though, but the alien's been in the closet the whole time pala, natakot lang lumabas. Whoopsies, that was my fault,hehe. Ilang months na ata siya dun. Hmmm. Revelations.I seem to come across one everyday. My world is now so small that it can only fit 3 of my toes. It's been shrinking since March. I think the other 2 toes from a whole foot was knocked off by my blockmate, Ricky. Such a jelly daddy,hahaha....

Okay, but now that i know, the sucky-thing-that-is-soon-to-follow seems to be coming back. It's a risky business, knowing and admitting that i know. Kung hindi pala ganun, well it'll be my fault too. I decided this on my own, minus all little voices. Woweee. Snaps for me. (x_x)

Math midterms on Monday. I'll give you one chance to guess who's stalling!

2005-08-07T17:20:00.000+08:00

Things are happening at the speed of light. Due to the loooooong waiting hours i have every week though, it seems like time couldn't move any slower. Yet in truth, time's as it always is... mischevious and often taken for granted. By ME nonetheless.

Since the start of this school year, i've been procrastinating more than ever. Even in high school, i don't think i was THIS bad. I feel awful about it! the only thing that can make me feel like doing it is, well....if i feel like doing it. If i know that i haven't made much progress in it yet, sobrang tatamarin ako. And that sucks coz i wasn't THAT lazy before. I'm scared coz midterms are coming up and blueREP rehearsals are gonna start getting longer and heavier, which means i'm gonna be coming home even later than i already do. And AQH rehearsals haven't even started yet! And i'm too much of a sloth now to do something about it. Oh yeah, i forgot to mention, last tuesday we got the results of the auditions, and i'm Ti Moune!!!:D I'm so happy, i looooooove Once on this Island.... but sadly, i don't think i'm gonna be able to watch AAI's production of it AGAIN because of rehearsals AGAIN. Was supposed to watch it na yesterday, but we went out with my dad to alabang and stuff. Oh well...

As i said, things are happening at the speed of light. I have so much going on in my head that i tend to overlook a lot of stuff. I'm so caught up on the present that i'm starting to neglect the past and the future. Well, that's relatively new since i'm most of the time too caught up on the past or the future and very rarely the present. Well in this case it's not very good. Obviously, it's turned me into such a self-absorbed sloth who tends to take things for granted. I keep making these same mistakes, when will i ever learn?? I should've taken that stupid staircase step as a sign and reminder. It's like this.... coz every M-W-F, we have our english and literature classes at Berchman's Hall. Eh right before the first step of the staircase, that part of the floor is painted the same color as the steps, so i kept mistaking it as the first step for like, 5 consecutive times. Geeez! It was only on the 6th time that i finally learned. Will it take me that long to finally learn other things as well?? Sure hope not. No, i wont let it. But it seems i've done it again. I'm so sorry.... for being so forgetful and for being too caught up in my own world. Truly very sorry.

2005-08-01T11:13:00.000+08:00

I am stalling. I am stalling. I am stalling.....

Haaay, procrastination blues. I hate when this happens, whenever I don't know how to start something, this is what happens. It's been almost 2 months since school started, and i STILL feel like such an idiot. (ha, and i'm wondering why???) Grrr, nakakaasar! >:z

The auditions last friday for the new Blue Rep production went better than i expected. Well, i auditioned for ti moune from Once on this Island, but i wasn't TOO set on it coz i still have rehearsals for Puppets take Manhattan and everything and i didn't want the schedules to interfere. Well, life's irony is at it again, for when you want something reeeeeally bad, most of the time(for me anyway) you screw up or dont do as well as you wanted to, and when you don't really want it, well, thats when it's good. Actually, I love that role and really wish we were doing the whole play and not just excerpts from it, and man if i get it i'm gonna go brezerk! I was just trying to tell myself not to want it so much so i wont have too many responsibilities and so it's easier to excuse myself and leave for *** * highlights practice. Oh well, results come out tuesday. We'll see.

Hanging out with Eya sure makes me realize how small(er) my world, or OUR worlds are becoming. (that includes the worlds of people other than mine and hers.) I gave her a veeeeeeery brief gist (if you can even call it a gist) but cannot elaborate because it's not really my story to tell. hehehe, surprisingly, i haven't SLIPPED on anything yet! hehehehe...(shows eya "slip" the tarsier) but it's fun eya, dontcha think? ;)

Gaaaaaaaaah, i'm stalling,i'm stalling,i'm stalling........

Sige na nga. Ok, last words.

TWIN! got your text last saturday, i'm so happy for you!!! ;)
MIA! goodluck on the UPCAT next saturday! don't be too nervous, kaya mo yan!
haha, yun lang pala last words ko.

PROCRASTINATING SUUUUUUUUCKS.....
shaddap and get back to work.

2005-07-06T22:51:00.000+08:00

Things need not happen to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dusts and ashes, and forgot. - Dream (Neil Gaiman)

Haven't been blogging here in a while, feels like such unfamiliar territory already. Too many thigns have been happening in my life to recount them all one by one, so i suggest you just go to my xanga blog, if you're bored and feel like reading a lot of entries that is. Link's down below, just scroll down. =)

College has been...well, ok so far. The first few weeks were kinda terrible though, being with the kind of people there makes me feel like an ignorant bafoon. Like how i ever came to study there is a total mystery. But well, things are going okay now. I guess i'm learning to adapt more to the hundreds of changes here. Like for instance, i no longer get wet in the rain while walking from class to class, as i now finally just bought myself a stinkin' umbrella at the A-shop. 300 bucks for a tiny umbrella that barely covers your whole body. Oh well, at least it keeps most of me dry! Next, i no longer feel like such a dimwitt in my english block. We had to make a paper and let our blockmates criticize and correct any technical or grammatical errors, and after reading some of my blockmates' works i realized that okay, they're not so perfect after all. Hooray. My blockmates are really nice too, and although we have some members with unfathomable personalities such as "bold star" and "juicy", they're not so bad after all,hehehehe. One thing that really wavers around in my head though, is how small the world is in college. Yeah, you must be thinking it should be the opposite, right? But in my case, my world just seemed smaller. So many people that i just met happened to know a lot of people that i know. A lot of them being interconnected to some significant events that have happened all throughout highschool. Wow, this year. I thought nothing could compare to the events of 2004, but it just so happens that 2005 has just unravelled so many or even most of the "behind the scenes" works of the events of last year.(and more) So i guess it's sorta like Year 2004-uncut, or 2004 revealed. (thinks of kaye and Pat's "series of unfortunate events", hihi!) Hehe, but it's all good, i find myself laughing nalang at all the irony. It IS rather comedic when you think about it! (sniggers) it adds the spice to life. No matter how sucky life can get, every bad thing is replaced with something good anyway. There's a hidden surprise in every misfortune.

I know there's nothing i can do to change what's already happened, but then.... i dunno. i find myself thinking again and again about it all, wondering if i did the right thing. See, i'm good at pretending if only to protect myself. I could pretend like i dont care, like it doesnt affect me, like its all okay. In short, i have the power and choice to totally brainwash myself. Maybe its to avoid confrontation and feeling hatred, but it works for me. I try not to feel angry, or hurt, or sinister, but sometimes i end up just not feeling period. I become numb. Then i cant see what's real and what's not. I can't find my real feelings anymore coz i brainwashed myself too much. It's hard being stranded here, not being able to move forward or completely go backward. It leaves me the feeling of such vulnerability, and I dont trust the situation. I cant just pretend like nothing happened. Parang naman akong nagpapakatanga if i just throw myself at the situation,sitting bare-naked at the feet of it. The scars are now scabs, but hey, they're still there. Hey gabriella, it's back to square one, squared.

But as i always say, things happen for a reason. Things have made me stronger and if i could rewind time, i'd keep things exactly as they are. I wouldn't dare mess with time or fate.And HEY, it's got me writing again!(alleluia). I guess right now, aside from it, im just really bothered by me. I bother me a lot lately.

I told you all i hate making decisions ;p

2005-06-06T14:38:00.000+08:00

The Human Heart~ Once on this Island

The courage of a dreamer
The innocence of youth
The failures and the foolishness
That lead us to the truth
The hopes thatMake us happy
The hopes that don't come true
And all the love there ever was
I see this all in you
You are part, part of theHuman heart
You are part
Of all who took the journey
And managed to endure
The ones who knew such tenderness
The ones who felt so sure
The ones who came before you
The others yet to come
And those who you will teach it to
And those you Learned it from
You are part
Part of theHuman heart
You are part
This is the gift I give
Through your love you'll live forever
Forever
You are part
You are part Tonight
Part of the human Heart.

For Now~ Avenue Q

Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside
take a breath,look around, swallow your pride
For now,for now....
Nothing lasts, life goes on
Full of surprises
You'll be faced with problems of all shpaes and sizes
You're going to have to make a few compromises
For now,for now....
But only for now
Only for now
Only for now
Only for now....
For now we're healthy
For now we're employed
For now we're happy,
If not overjoyed
And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid for now...

For now there's life
For now there's love
For now there's work
For now there's happiness
But only for now(for now discomfort)
Only for now(for now there's friendship)
For now,only for now....
SEX! is only for now
YOUR HAIR! is only for now
GEORGE BUSH! is only for now
Dont stress, relax,let life roll off your backs,
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now....
Each time you smile
It'll only last a while
Life may be scary
but it's only temporary
.....everything in life, is only for now.....

~ in memory of all the jamming moments we had in rep.... with my twin, sam, meynard, and all the rest.... and also in my mourning for the fact that i didn't get to see AAI do Once on this Island in RCBC...=( but i will when it re-stages!!!hehehe......

i miss you, T3 2k5..... this was the best year ever.... :o)

2005-05-15T02:39:00.000+08:00

HEy!

wala lang, just wanted to say that you guys should check out my other blog too,coz although i post almost the same thing in both, i sometimes just update the other. wala lang. =p

http://www.xanga.com/hobbitydoo

Plus i changed the layout na!hehehee....=)

2005-05-14T04:14:00.000+08:00

Hey...wala lang Another tiring day of rehearsals gone by... but then i realized that we've only got 2 weeks until everything's all over. I think this is the fastest any summer has ever gone by. Today, i have exactly a month to go before i start college. College.....i am actually gonna be in college!!! ME! The little thing that i am! Scary how time flies... as our principal once told me and jas while we were in her office for i forget what, "the only thing that's constant in this world is change." Now i know that i was never really fond of our principal,but of all the things that came out of her mouth, this is the only one that actually stuck. And it wasn't coz she was giving us a sermon, it was just one of those random things that come out in a conversation. And well, i guess it is true. "everything in life is only for now", right? But thats what's so heartbreaking. I keep joining rep coz of all the unending memories and fun-filled experiences it brings, yet in the end i'm always disheartened by our needing to part ways... if only summers could last forever...(although that wouldn't be as good an idea now as it would've been for last year,hehe...) REp has always been my favorite part of the year, yet i think this'll be my last time joining the workshops. Change can also be good,and i wanna explore new things. But that's also probably why the fact that our play nearing scares me.....1) i'm really hoping it'll be good, and 2)Coz i'm terrified with what i'll be feeling when it's all over. Things might not have gone the exactly the way i hoped, but everything happens for a reason. And all these trials are here to make us stronger, which is what i've been praying for.Strength. Well i'm no superman (hmm...banana moment!!hehehe...), but i'd like to think it's made a big difference on me.So right now i'm gonna cast the smoldering heat aside that leaves me all sweltered and just try to enjoy the last few days i have left with my fellow reppers,and endure whatever comes. :o)

Anyways, was talking to peachy kanina (uber kabag moments!) and she told me about this really nice song....nice lyrics!here it is....

Swing Life Away
By: Rise Against

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
I've been here so long, I think that its time to move
The winters so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
Swing life away [x4]

wala lang.... hay,well thats all for now, it's 3:47 am na!!!!! gotta sleep na....Zzzzzzzz

2005-05-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

After a month of not blogging....I'M BAAAACK!!!!!

Soooo sorry to keep everyone un-updated. things have just been so hectic,chaotic,insane and flabbergasting. REp's kept me awfully busy (physically and emotionally),and for the last 2 weeks,i had band practices with Rewind for gimlet's debut in the morning before rep rehearsals. But it was fun seeing some of the ob people again and just sharing kwentos about.....ahem,everyone and anyone (the band knows whom i mean!hehe) even though it meant being late for rep a kajillion times.(Sorry meynard!!!) Haaay. there are so many things to say i dont even know where to start!! lemme just say that this year's rep has been the most complicated. When i thought about it, since i've been in rep for 4 years na,it's sort of like my 2nd high school life. kaya pala parang high school for me was more than just 4 years. 3rd year was my favorite year in HS,coz although we had some problems din, it was just sooo much fun that it overtook the bad things. Same goes for my 3rd year in rep,last year's forbidden broadway. We encountered a few probs,but it was just sooooo much fun. I had my longest rep hangover there. When senior year came though, it seemed as if everywhere there were problems, from the start to the end. it was so drama-packed. Same goes for this year's Rep....

I used to always want to know things,even though it might not always be good. Kaya nga "stalker" ako eh, (hihihihi...)when i'm determined to find something out about someone or something, i'd really try to. But when i started hanging out with my twin, (peachy aka 'gabriella') she told me she rather not know these things anymore. I didnt understand why,coz i'd rather know the truth even though it might not always be pretty. Weeeeeell,after these past few weeks, i think she might've been right after all. The whole thing has been one frustrating roller coaster ride. It's so ironic how these things happen,and how everything 4 YEARS AGO has been connected with the present. Parang yung movie na "jologs",haha. Upon finding everything out, at first i was shocked....then hurt....then angry...then annoyed...then sad....then extremely annoyed...then guilty...then depressed...then shocked again...and THEN i died. For a couple of hours anyway. Grabe, it felt like i was malfuntioning, i couldnt think,speak or feel. System shutdown. I felt numb and lifeless, like i wasnt alive,i simply....existed. But thanks to my bestfriend,my twin and him upstairs, i was ok.
I've felt every possible emotion there is to feel in the last 4 days. I dont know how i lived with myself, especially since my sister was in laguna the whole time it happend and i had noone to talk with at home. But both unfortunately and fortunately, meynard, our director, knew that something was up with the class and was causing its disunity. so last monday we had an open forum. Everyone cleared things up with each other na, and i not only felt really good about mine and peachy's situatuion,but the situations of the others as well. I saw my friends talking to the people whom they had issues with and worked things out, and it just gave me back all the things i believed in that had been lost for the past few days. Although all this talking also led me to find out a couple of, well....discoveries that were not so very nice, i decided to let it pass. Nothing will happen to me if i bring it up anyway. What's done is done. I'm just gonna pretend that i didnt know and from now on, i'm living my life simply.No more "stalking" (or atleast what me and jas call stalking). i've been in enough intrigue this summer to last me a lifetime,tama na!

Looking back, i'm kinda glad that it all happened. It taught me lots of things, and it binded me and my twin closer to one another. hehe, darn those kabag moments,peach!!! but now,we can laugh all we want again. No more "oh no" days for us. The next time we cry, it'll be at the end of the play, singing "for now". This summer's taught me a whooooole lot.

"Everything in life......is only for now." -Avenue Q

Watch the class of T-3 summer 2005 do "Avenue Q"
WHEN: May 28,2005- saturday, 8pm
WHERE: Onstage, greenbelt. (greenbelt 1)
tickets are P200 each.

Please do come watch. :) I'll be doing kate monster!(one of them anyway,hehe)

2005-04-11T12:33:00.000+08:00

Wow, i haven't blogged here in quite a while. I've actually been writing in my other one coz a lot of my friends started new blogs at xanga, eh so they know that i'm still using it and to make it easier for them i blogged there nalang for a while. there's a link down there in the last entry if you wanna read. Anyways, well,good news! we're going to japan after all! it recently just got cancelled then the next day we were told it was going to push through again. Ano ba yan. anyways, We're leaving na tomorrow!!!=) we'll be back saturday. I'm reaaaaaaaally excited na, my dreams of going out of the country this year are actually gonna come true.=) My lolo talked to all of us yesterday about it,and although the main purpose is for the educational advantage of the expo, it's still gonna be fun! Gosh,cant believe its tomorrow na. I'll be missing a few days of rep while they're having pupptry and jazz class....:-( and i'm gonna have to sing a lot of songs as punishment,gaaargh. hehe,oh well.

Okay. Oozing is dead. Well......dying. I'm killing him. *evil laugh* So much brain cells gone to waste! tsk,tsk,tsk. but thanks to my...self, (hehehe) it is c'est fini for real. Je deteste les garcons!

Goodbye to you...goodbye to everything i thought i knew.

Artist: Avenue Q
Song: There's a fine, fine line
Album: Avenue Q - Orignial Broadway Cast
[B u y " Avenue Q - Orignial Broadway Cast " CD]

There's a fine, fine line
between a lover, and a friend.
There's a fine, fine line
between reality, and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line
between love,and a waste of time

There's a fine, fine line
between a fairy tale, and a lie.
And there's a fine, fine line
between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye".
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime
But there's a fine, fine line between love,and a waste of your time

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity I've got to close the doorAnd walk away...

Oh...There's a fine, fine line
between together,and not.
And there's a fine, fine line
between what you wanted,and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you wantwhile you're still in your prime.

There's a fine, fine line
between love,and a waste of time.

-----> PRECISELY!

Couldn't have said it better, Kate Monster.

2005-04-06T19:52:00.000+08:00

Ouuuuuch!! My body really really hurts from all those darned crunches and stuff that we have to do sa rep.... So ok,obviously rep started na! just last Monday. (See other blog nalang for the kwentos coz i'm too tamad to re-type them here: www.xanga.com/hobbitydoo) It's only the 3rd day and ALREADY i'm aching all over! Hmm... well, today was fun coz some of the old members sat-in today!!! Galing pa ng timing, coz we were looking through the Rep forbidden broadway scrapbook that eina made, so upon seeing all the faces of the old members i kept going, "awww, i miss jana and gabbi! i miss dre and jorel!kirsten!jc!mic!".... and so on. Then, right at that very moment, in walks jana,dre,jorel,jay-ar,rich,aldo and robin! hehehe,fuuuun. It was like last summer all over again. Although most of us now are old members, it just feels so different. the class is definitely more quiet, but it feels as if its terribly incomplete!!! people,join na kasi! :-(
although i'm really excited for this year's play, i dunno if anything will ever be able to compare to last year. Sobrang the best talaga. But anyways, still gonna make the most out of this since it's probably gonna be my last time in rep. :-(

Goodbye japan

After months of wanting and dreaming about going to another country this summer, i just finally gave it up for now,knowing that there was no chance that i'd go anywhere abroad this year. that's what pushed me to join rep,knowing that i'd only end up bumming around the house. Then, on graduation day my dad tells me we're going to japan! Ok,so sudden change of mind set... Rep AND japan! ok,it'll be kinda bad to miss a whole week at rep,especially if its audition day or something,but hey! its japan! and my dream finally came true. And then my sis tells me that we might leave earlier and stay there for 2 weeks. Wow,missing one week of rep was hard enough, paano pa kaya pag dalawa?So i started setting my mind for all the stuff i'd have to do.But on the brighter side, we'll have a whole week before the business expo begins,so that means we get to go shopping!! But Then she tells me again na hindi na, 1 week nalang daw. Ok.... twell, better i guess. Then she says it might not push through na kasi...well, something about the visas. So i prepared myself by slowly pushing the japan daydreams away so i wouldnt be disappointed. And then she tells me just a few days ago na Finally, matutuloy! so here i go, telling everyone na that i'm leaving for japan next monday, malapit na, and i'm gonna be gone for 6 days. And NOW, when i get home, both my brother and my sister tell me that we aren't going anymore because there aren't any accomodations..........

GREAT!!! >:(

nice. Veeeeeery nice.

this sucks. But i guess atleast i dont have to miss a week of rep.

................

................

................

but STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Gaaaaah, how annoying. I'm just gonna stop all this mind-setting stuff coz it gets me all confused. Well, so much for that. Back to the wishing-i-could-go-abroad-phase that....

Ok, update! this just reached my ears right now. As in a few seconds ago. Me and my sister are going with my dad and tito to japan somewhere in September. What the...?!?!?!?!!? MAKE UP YER FRIGGIN MINDS AND STOP CONFUSING ME!!!!!!!! *inhale....exhale.....inhale....exhale*

Hay, ayoko na. Basta yun. So i'm not going na this summer,fine. But i'm not gonna expect to go this september either, baka ma-cancel lang ulit. Gaaaah. Hassle.

2005-04-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

Such a HOOOOOOT summer day it is....

Went to Ateneo today to have my slot confirmed! Did it all by myself and that's a big accomplishment, considering the fact that i didn't make a fool of myself while doing it. All the other people who went there to confirm brought someone with them, and i was all by myself. Luckily i saw someone i knew there and she helped point out the directions for me. They gave me a map and stuf but i'm really bad with directions. I went in circles during one part,haha! but i DID get it done,so there. heeheehee.

haaay! this past week has gone by rather slowly, even though i was out most of the time. here's what happened the past week:

Monday. me and ate went to megamall to get some architectural design magazines for my dad's new house. Actually,that was just an excuse to get out of teh house,coz we could've gotten that from the internet,hehe. We went to powerbooks, and i was tempted to get something for someone,as i was kinda planning it for a long time na. But ate said i should'nt, as i dont owe that person anything. Maybe i dont, but i just thought it'd be nice since that person has been really nice to me. well.....WAS. But if i do give it, wala rin namang mangyayari. Oh well, shall think about it some more. On Tuesday...hmm,what happened again?oh yeah! WEnt to pick up peachy in galle then we enrolled at rep! haha, my soulgirl sistah whom i haven't hung out with since the jcs days of 2002 pa. On the way there, we just kept talking and talking to no end... it's funny coz both of us love telling the long version of the story,which often leads to so many other stories in between and then we both forget our points. hihihi... at rep, Ayam(forgive me if thats the wrong spelling) saw us and gave us forms to join the ADULTS class since we were already 17. what the...?!?! nooo way! so we ended up just staring at the forms till someone else came out and we asked....no, we BEGGED to join meynard's class. So while we sat down and filled it up, there was a rehearsal going on for who's wife is it anyway? And joel trinidad, whom i watched in little shop of horrors and whom i really liked came out and talked to me!! Waaaah! Well, technically he just asked me if i was joining the workshops,hehe. but STILL!!! Haha, you know me, as long as there are thespians around i go nuts. Anyways, moving on! We went to rockwell afterwards and we just stayed in page one,reading kiddie books aloud. hehe! Next day, Wednesday: Met up with jas, and we went to ob and got some things done. After whcih we went to rockwell again with ate and mars and watched Miss Congeniality 2 (it was ok,although i liked the first one better still,i think). Later that night we had another cousininity, since our cousin abbey was home from the states. WE went to Phi BAr in metrowalk, and since john had a lot of connections, he found a way to get us a place upstairs in the air conditioned part. Yun pala, it was a sort of Grad party for the batch 2005 graduates of ateneo college! (crashers,haha) So i got my first glimpse of what it's like to be an ateneo college student. Goodness. ang conyo nila,hehehe. Pero not in such a bad way naman. There were a lot of cute guys though,hehehehe. And it was fun to pretend that a)i was an atenista, and b) that i was somewhere around their age. but i doubt that they believed. i was the youngest person there,without a doubt!!! It sucks though coz in 3 months, i'll actually be legal to go into those places and it wont be as fun anymore... you know, i wont have to dress up,gather my rep skills and fool the people at the door that i'm at least 18 years old. And i've been doing that ever since i was 13! But i only do it when i'm with my family,hehe. hay, anyway. The next morning, Thursday, i still felt a little woozy,but me and ate had to wake up early so i could get my card. then in the afternoon, we had a rep gimmick!! and last minute, i was able to go! (miracles DO happen) at first i had a way of going there but no means of getting home. Then i had no means either way. Then suddenly kuya said he could pick me up,but i had no way of going there, till finally i found ways for both. And the whole time i was texting regina about this,hihihi. So we met up at starbucks in greenbelt 3. Then we ate at krocodile then watched Spanglish. there were only bowt 10 of us by the way, me,beryl,reg,aldo,jam,rich,gian,robin,jay ar and eina. After that, some of us started going na, so me,beryl,eina,rich and reg were left and we moved over to g4. It was fun, We pigged out on eina's star cake adn shared an ice monster and beryl's bread talk thingy. Gosh, missed them so much! although we didnt do much, it was fun just being with them. Hmmmm.... remember those 2 people i've ever REAAAALLLy liked thing that i mentioned before? Well, i saw them! the first one i saw while walking with beryl to bread talk. We talked for a bit,then we had to go. Haha, haven't talked to him for a year or so. wala lang!WEll, Friday must've been the most boring day. lazed about for the entire time, and it was sooooo frickin' hot. which brings us to today, saturday, wherein i did the first thing mentioned above. Anyways, chiara's sleeping over (hooray!) so i gotta go now. ciao. =)

2005-03-25T16:07:00.000+08:00

Heeeeey.....

time has passed by so quickly these past few days. Everything i've been looking forward to, or all the agenda(s)? that were supposed to happen have already happened.

The last trip to my dad's house in laguna was fun. We always just sit around like big fat bums and eat,sleep and watch dvd's all day, but this time we actually got some exercise! we got there at night na, at around 9 pm, after a say full of shopping. So at around 10:30 to 12 midnight, me, ate and angie played badminton in the gym. Now i haven't really seriously played badminton before, so this was sort of my first try. I felt kinda confused at first, since i'm more used to playing volleyball, so both my arms and hands were just......not coordinating with each other.Hahaha.... but it was really fun, i tired myself out like mad but had a greeeaat time! I love it there coz you get so preoccupied with stuff that you forget about other things.....like your phone,for instance. Me and ate usually just leave our phones upstairs and just check on it like, twice a day or so. Ofcourse, sometimes i cant help myself and i bring it with me wherever, but at times like these it feels great to not care about other matters and just have fun.

So anyways, here are other things that have come to pass....

Graduation

So it's finally over. My highschool life is indeed finished.over.no more.done.never to return. I loo back and see how quickly it came by, and i feel as if every single bit of *tooot!* that i went through doesn't seem that much anymore. it's like, i wanna go back to each year and see what i've accomplished my whole highschool life. I feel extremely lucky to have been part of my class and not any other, and to have had such friends as i do now, but i feel as if it wasn't enough.... like i missed a lot of stuff.it didn't seem like 4 years to me. haaaay.... I guess i'm just missing it. My dad might have a new house built and me and my sister were talking about the designs of our rooms and what we'd have in it. Finally, i could have a proper study desk coz whenever i bring my homework there,it never gets done coz of all the yummmy temptations in the kitchen(which is the only place where i could do them). But then i realized, i'm never gonna take down notes again! despite the extremely huge hassle of having to copy notes and whatever, i liked doing it somehow. For me it was better than studying, and with really good music in the background, it felt so relaxing!(unless ofcourse you had to do 5 to 7 chapters in more than just one subject all in just one night because of your stupid procrastination). Wala lamg, i liked doing my notes. [ somewhere in the back of my head i hear my family cough out a word that sounds an awful lot like "dork"]....yeah,yeah,yeah. Enough already!

But seriously. I'm REEEEEEAAAALLLLLY,EXTREMELY gonna miss highschool. I'm even gonna miss some of 'em stupid teachers and their stupid requirements. And i never thought i'd say this so soon, but yes.... i AM actually gonna miss ob. Though it definitely isn't the best school in the world, i had a learned a lot din naman from everything thats happened and enjoyed highschool....plus its cool to know that you and some of your friends may even have more logic than your school and academic coordinators ;-)

Congratulations Maghari batch 2005!!!

Summer is here

So, due to insufficient funds because noone wanted to pay for the expenses of the grad ball, we didn't have one anymore. Well, it was supposed to be on the day after grad, but that's when we went to the beach so im kinda glad that i didnt miss yet ANOTHER batch get-together thing. So, we went to batangas with my dad and stuff. We slept in maya maya resort, but we spent most of the day in evercrest(now white cove) and would go to other places like punta fuego and stuff, courtesy of my dad's boat. his latest toy. Well not really his latest. Anyway, most of my cousins were there, so we all rode the boat to go over to punta fuego,but there were too many people. So we went to tali beach an what did the guys do? jump off a cliff. Yes, seriously. Apparantly there's this cliff thats been around since my mom's time and is really known for its....erm, jumping site? whatever, too tamad to think of the right term. Well, there were about 30 more people there, and some foreigners were even doing summersaults and fancy diving stuff. Meanwhile, back at the boat, the girls were watching as the guys anxiously made their way up then chickenly told one another to jump off first. Now this would'nt be so bad if only abbey and i weren't getting motion sickness, if we actually got off the boat and swam or heck, even jumped off the cliff with them, if it wasn't so hot,and if only someone talked while waiting for the guys. *crickets*. hehehe, well we swam when we got back to evercrest. During the first night, i was supposed to stay up and drink with them, but i felt soooo tired. Next night, i promised i'd stay up na, but this time sila tita irene slept naman. Oh well,down to the 3 siblings: Me,ate and kuya. Sadly, there was only beer and since i still cant stand the taste of beer just yet, i didnt drink. Which, i found out, is better. Why? because of the sad truth: i'm a boring drunk. actually, it's either i'm violent or just boring. instead of getting all crazy or whatever, i just get sleepy and quiet. The reason is probably coz i'm already crazy and stupid when i'm sober, so i become the opposite when i'm drunk. So i guess its better to keep me sober! hahaha.... Well, there we were talking about anything while occasionally killing the mosquitos and taking pictures with my new digicam. (Yep,i got a new digicam for graduation! i figured i'd leave the ipod for ate to get so i can finally get my discman back. She uses it more than i do that i forget it's mine =p) pictures soon to be posted on my other blog since i'm not computer-literate enough to figure out how to put it here. Man, we ate so much i thought i'd get bangungot or something. Anyways, it was fun....=)

And so here i am now, just got home from the beach a few hours ago. Tomorrow we're going to tagaytay with my mom and i guess we're gonna spend the night there as well. Then it'll be another week gone by, which means i'm edging closer and closer to the end of summer until school begins and for the first time in 7 years, i wont be seeing the same familiar.welcoming and reassuring faces again. BUT!!! we're not quite there yet, so i'll save that for another time. I just soooooo wanna enjoy and make the most out of this summer, but after the blast i've had last year, i dunno if anything can compare to that. I realized that 2004 was soooooooo much fun, everything from start to end! even though there were setbacks here and there, i loved 2004. If only you could take away all those tragedies and losses that have happened, itwould be almost perfect. Sigh..... this is my last summer before i'm officially an adult(Eeeeyuuuuuck!!!!!*breathes desperately for air*) and i dowanna waste any moment of it!!!

it seems harder and harder to be wendy everyday.

:-(

2005-03-18T02:00:00.000+08:00

Hey! visit www.xanga.com/hobbitydoo for pictures!=)

I probably wont be able to update this so much in the next couple of days, coz i'm going to laguna tomorrow and staying for the weekend narin. I need to preoccupy myself with as much things as possible, and there's a lot to do there, so perfecto!=)

Missing Identity!
I lost wendy!!!!!!! I nursed her back to health (kind of poorly,actually) and decided to bring her to school today, and on the way home, as i was crossing the street, i had this ugly feeling that she'd get lost and she diiiiiiiiiid!!!!! I looked and she was gone....forever this time. There's no way that someone would find her, ang liit liit nun, and even if they did, no one would think that she belonged to ME coz duh, the name says wendy nga eh! sniff,sniff.... i can just imagine her being stepped on by the hundreds of students of ob, and all the annoying little brats of the school... and i cant really comfort myself by saying that she lived a good life coz i barely got to wear her for fear that she'd get lost and now she finally has!! *takes a deep breath*

But okay, in honor of her we shall say that she HAS indeed lived a good life. Even though she broke and i tried in a very stupid manner to bring her back to life. (read: scotch tape)

Sigh. Goodbye,wendy.....

i am talking about a bracelet,by the way.

haha.

2005-03-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

Hey! WOW. i haven't blogged in like,forever. I just feel like i have so much to say but when i go here and try to say it, i have no idea how to start it and get too tamad. Hehe. oh well, summer is here and i'll have more free time and just enough boredom to be able to actually gather my thoughts and write. Sooo... what was the last thing i said? oh yeah...my "being pissed". Sheesh, when am i not lately. But anyways, i dont think i've made kwento bowt the formal dinner... so lets start there?This is gonna be a really long entry by the way,to sum up all the things i've been thinking about for the past weeks. So brace yourselves! here goes...

Goodbye Glee Club

So the formal dinner was on feb 22 and 24... our performance on the 22nd went much better. Everything went by smoothly and we even got a standing ovation from Mrs. Soliven! she was sitting there with her mouth kinda open with that familiar big smile on her face,hehe. But after the show, complications arose among the teachers and our glee club teacher got soooo fed up that she decided to resign. Sigh... yeah, she's been thinking about that ever since the sing-out pa, but she was supposed to finish the year first, sorta graduate with us. But that night, she felt she just had too much already, and she only told some of the glee club people about it. Well,let's just say the teachers and the coordiantors were already getting suspicious. But they keep thinking that mrs. ciriaco was trying to manipulate us into not performing as a sort of protest to her. Helooooo! we aren't that shallow, and neither is she! She'd never ask us to do that, and we wouldn't do that anyway. We're not THAT immature. Such prejudices. Anyways, one of the coordinators went and talked to me about it, trying to get some juice out. Well, thats where these rep skills come in handy!hehehehe... i wouldn't lie to someone like her unless i knew what or who i was fighting for was right. Grabe naman kasi sa ob eh, everything's so political! It reminds me so much of noli and fili... tsk,tsk,tsk. Anyways... so when the next performane on the 24th came, we tried to do our best still, but there were so many technical problems! Like the sound system screwing up in the middle of the song, the mics not working or one was too loud, the mic wires getting all tangled up, the props falling,and the audience not even paying attention anymore. It was horrific. But hey, we did our part na, those things weren't our fault anymore. Good thing my mom didnt come and watch anymore... (o.0)

So that ended the glee club's very last performance. Ever since first year, it's kind of been my getaway from all the hassles of the classroom, all the hw's and projects,i'd just forget them all for at least an hour coz i'd be with a bunch of great people and doing what i love. It's sort of like my rep within the school year.I've sacrificed a whole lot in my 4 years of being in the club.It aint that easy, dealing with the everyday practices after school(we're the only club that has practices everyday), being yelled at during almost every practice, endlessly waiting for practices to start, having objects fly at you, trying my best not to answer back or walk out, watching some of the ex-members answer back or walk out, seeing the other members quit one by one, the recordings for the sing-out wherein we went home at midnight na, all the sweat, tears, and money spent on everything and more. And all this time we've never really had any support from the coordinators or the "big bosses". No club of ob has. Despite me being really pissed at her sometimes, i've learned a lot as well from mrs. ciriaco and she's practically been a mother to us. All my efforts of staying in the glee club have paid off rin naman, i've had my dreams come true several times because of it, and faced such challenges like trying to control and make 40 people shut up and listen. We've never reached a number that much before, and it was just overwhelming to try and motivate all of them. Anyways, my point is that after all out hardships, there was never a proper farewell for mrs. ciriaco or even a proper last performance. So to say, its like the glee club just little by little disseminated. As in biglang wala na, poof! and the other members told me that next year, they're all joining the dance club coz it just wont be the same without us and ma'am. So, wala na talaga, wala nang glee club.

Ateneo!

Sigh. Well moving on... Last March 5, a few saturdays ago, we had this open house thing at ateneo for the school of humanities. It's sort of like an orientation wherein you get to meet your soon to be professors and blockmates, find out more about your course and tour the campus. I was sitting there waiting with my mom, when all of a sudden i see thomas! haha... he's a friend of ian's, met him during a birthday party of one of their friends at valle verde 1. The first time i ever became "one of the boys", as i was the only girl and they were about, 7 or 8 guys. Haha! but it was fun! they were all drinking and stuff, and i was the only sober one. But it was such a funny sight! and they were all so nice and friendly, i actually learned quite a lot from them. hehe, this was the first time i ever felt like i wanted to be a guy, seeing how different they were from the guys at my school. wala lang,had such fun with them. Anyways, i also saw thomas at my interview at UAP, and now i bumped into him again. his parents didn't come, so i told him he could share my mom. Haha! and daldal naming pareho, we barely listened to the guy talking, Which is pretty funny since we've only talked 2 other times before that. Hmm, halfway through the orientation my mom decided to go back home and sleep, so we just continued the tour. We went inside the gallery of modern art(the only one of its kind in the Philippines!) where they had an ORIGINAL Dali, Rembrandt and Picasso. It would've been much better if i wasn't so sleepy though. I kinda felt like i was sleepwalking at the time....Zzzzzz

Grad Ball

Anyways, the night of that same day was the grad ball of la salle. I'd like to thank jay for inviting me! the place was reaaaaaally nice, the whole walk up to the entrance of the gym was covered in rose petals. REaaaally purrty. I saw mia there,(of course) and ysa, anna acha, ian and his friends, kamaira, and cyrene,hehe... i also saw one of my classmates from st. paul pa, but i dunno if she remembered me...she was sitting at the table behind us and i wanted to say hi or something, but people from there dont seem to remember me much! well, cant really blame her, we were grade 3 then,hehe. Well anyways, hi monica! (cant remember her last name). Afterwards we went to Dencio's in metrowalk, where i became one of the boys again.Well, there was one other girl but she ended up leaving me! ahahaha... it was ok though, its fun to just sit and listen or watch guys being guys...just not all the time! haha... as for our own grad ball, well, there wont be one anymore. =( I guess they decided to scrap it since noone was really being cooperative. eh kasi, we're all broke and out of money!! kakatapos lang ng prom nun,hehe. Well, i wouldn't have been able to go din since i'd be in the beach the day they set it up for. Woohoooo!!! i'm so excited...and i just cant hide it....

Cry me a river...?

Exams just ended last week, so we're having our week of "un-school". We just go to school to attend grad practice or to finish requirements and stuff, the last few days with my batchmates. For the graduation naman, i AM the last to graduate!! haha, coz i'm the last girl of the last section. So for the entrance, everyone has to enter by partner. My class has an odd number of students, and since im the last,ako lang walang partner. Yeeeeees naman, star!! bwahaha... and i get to have the introduction of "and last but not the least...." said before my name is called, so then i get the biggest applause. Bwahahahaha! *pa-star*. We just had our baccalaureate mass yesterday, and i feel like i've got a heart of stone. My bestbud was already tearing next to me, and i dont know why, but i couldn't cry! kami ni kaye... i understand it on kaye's part since she isn't exactly iyakin, but i am! and i couldn't cry! i NEED TO CRY, it's the only way i get to release everything. Well, last night, after seeing something and realizing something, i did cry.... but it wasn't because of graduation. Darn it, i thought after a while it would finally hit me and HARD, but it's not. i mean, i'm gonna miss my friends and my class a looooooooot, and i know things will never be the same again. I know how different college is gonna be like and all the changes that are gonna happen, but it just wont sink in!I feel like a block of wood when it comes to grad. What is wrong with me?!?!?!

Mystery Solved!

I finally know what J.T. Drugstore is! Joseph Tarzan*... (*name is changed to protect those involved.) and no, it's not a drugstore. I mean, i thought it was, and all this time i thought it was just some THing i didnt know about, but i actually do!! All this time spent trying to find out WHAT it was, and i already knew it pala to begin with. As in, i have their number on my phone, THAT kind of know. hahahaha....it's ironic how small the world is... (only my classmates' humor will get what i'm talking about). And how do i feel? haaaay...relieved, and incredibly amazed. As in i love telling the whole story about it. Some people say that they'd be really pissed if they were me, but i'm not! ang astig nga eh! ever since i was 14, nandun na pala sila..... ahahaha.=)

Thoughts that creep into my head without warning

I feel really sad about the love lives of the people i know... it's like, no matter how hard you try, or how much you really like the person, i dunno...things just dont work out the way we hope they would. But thats life,isn't it? I understand it if it were just me, coz it never seems to work out for me anyway, no matter how nice things seem to be. Love's just not on my side. But for others whom i think really deserve it, i just wish i could slap the guys's heads and say, "You stupid oaf! what are you waiting around for? cant you see what's right in front of you??" Buuuuut sadly, i cant. Hay nako, if only i were like hitch! hehehe...

I realized i've only reeaaaaaaaallly super ka-duper liked someone twice. They're the only ones i've ever actually CONSIDERED telling how i felt, and since thats something i would never ever have the guts to be able to do, so just the fact that i CONSIDERED telling them is a big thing. believe me. So, did i tell the first one? No... he was practically the "dream guy" of every girl, and i was content enough to be the one he turned to despite the fact that we hardly talked before. I mean, this guy's got terrible memory, so just the fact that he decided to call me for help and remebered i existed is pretty good for me already,haha. i dont think anyone can have that guy anyway. too hard to reach! Now the next guy... he's another kind of mr perfect. the first one was a mr perfect in the jock, popular-guy sort of way, and the other one is the mr perfect in the more sensitive-type of guy way. People gravitate towards him coz he's understanding. But both of them are so hard to reach. Ano ba yan, why are the guys i like always like that?! I've seen a lot of negative things about him already,but i still like him. Am i stupid? I'll say. If i DO do something, this'll go down in history as one of the worst disasters ever, for i am cursed. But i dunno, some part of me wants to just..seize the moment? You'll only be young enough to be excused for the stupid things you do once.hehe.....naks, lakas ng loob ko to put this here, but i know he doesnt read this anyway. Hmm,i guess i know how its gonna be though. I'm gonna end up just being their friends. Everyone i like always sees me as just that. There's a positive side to that, and a negative. but oh well, i've been a "plague" my whole life, just wonder when and IF i'll ever grow out of it.

Wish right now more than ever that i could just be a kid and stay in neverland forever. Oh Captain hooo0o0o0k, i'm over heeeeere!! *waves frantically about*.

c'est fini!

im so frickin pissed

2005-03-02T18:52:00.000+08:00

"I'm sooooo frickin' pissed!"

My favorite line from white chicks, as it applies to my everyday life. I can use this line at least 5 times a day, and today was no different. Grabe, i was already getting teary-eyed at the hassling stuff stuff. Kahit sa seat ko ang gulo-gulo! ayoko na dun, all the guys always crowd around it and guffaw over the stupidest things to no end! I mean, sure, i can be pretty mababaw and sometimes even laugh with them at the stupidest things as well, but this isn't even the amusing kind of stupid anymore, its just downright annoying!!! Tapos they'll mess up my things till little by little, my stuff start to get lost. greaaat.

i'm so pissed! (sheesh, that's nothing new lately.) not only coz of the many little annoying things that grow to be big things that happen everyday, but also because i'm such an insufferable idiot! je suis espece d'idiot! Oh, the blindness of me. sheeesh. i keep thinking that maybe it'll be different this time, hindi naman ganyan,blablabla... um, earth to tricia, when did THAT ever happen? you are suuuuch a fool..fool...fool....."foolish heart,hear me calling....cant believe that i'm a fool again....wise men say,only fools rush in...catch me i'm fooling,fooling fast again...." bwahahahaha.....!

But I did, I can, I was, I am only human, living, dying,just like any fool who ever breathed. If love is blind, if love's a drug, it always is, it always was And love was surely made for fools like me

Ayun. there's a ncie one with "fool" in it,hehehe. Goodness, what's it take?! Even though i know it's probably not the whole truth and i wont get anything out of it, some part of me is still trying to squeeze out every last bit of hope and i end up believing everything. Yeah, i know. STUPID. ~fini

Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you want to be
Only then can you belong to me

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night

On the brighter side, i watched phantom na, and so far thats the only thing that can make me feel lighter. I've never seen the play before, nor did i really know the story, i only knew a few songs and thats it. So thats probably why i appreciated the movie a whoooole lot. Loved it, it was beauuuutiful.

Hmph. Bahala nanga yun. whateva....Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to problems that upset you oh, don't you know Everything's alright yes everything's fine...lalalala....

gaah-ness

2005-03-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

Gaaaaah!!!! no time, no time, too much to do, that was my constant cry.....
I haven't blogged in ages, and i feel like there's so much i wanna say! I gotta do a lot of stuff yet here i am, hehehe... whenever i check my e-mail, i end up going here even though i dont post an entry. Haay. this is our last week of normal school days, then exams, then it's all over.... i'm feeling the graduation blues muuuuuuuuch later than i expected! goodness, i'm not even in my fullest depression mode for it yet. What's wrong with me?! My entire life at OB Montessori is coming to an end, yet why don't i feel as sad as i know i usually get? oh yeah......coz my life at OB Montessori is coming to an end. hehehe,it's complicated, but if you only knew the stories. So much has happened in school over the past 2 weeks. (i got to use my REP skills on a really strict and old teacher,ahihihihi...) Wish i could make kwento everything that i've been thinking of on the way to school, during class, in between classes, the times when i'm staring blankly into space, dismissal time, when i get home and take a nap, when i bathe, when i'm studying or doing hw, and before i go to bed. Yes, i think a lot, and mostly bowt the same things over and over. It's getting quite annoying,actually. But then yes, occasionally, new things pop in there and squeeze in among the rest.

Yesterday was my big comeback as the world's guidance counselor. Without meaning to or anything, i had about 8 "patients" in one day. Wala lang, suddenly people just started telling me their problems. But then i havent been a guidance counselor to that many people in such a long while, and i didn't mind at all,anyways. =) Plus i was in the mood for making kwento and hearing kwentos all day,which was probably why i didn't get much done, hehe. And the foodtech teachers kept making parinig na ang ingay ng classroom, and ofcourse, i'd pretend not to hear at all and just go on talking. Till finally they both lost it and said, "Torres! ang ingay mo!!" whoopsies.....(o.o) i haven't heard that line in a loooong time, as i usually yak away in a more subtle manner,but yesterday i couldn't help it,ehe..ehehe... anyways, surprisingly even my ogre sister(her words,not mine) came to me and asked for advice. Even she couldn't believe she was askign help from a 17-year old,hiihihi!! but its ok ats, even though you kept me from sleeping even as i was already lying snuggly in my bed,just waiting for the time when i could close my eyes na, i still appreciated the fact that you bugged your weetle hobbit sister for it... ;) and those squishy hugs did good! Anyways.... now i'm the one in need of counseling, i'm flummoxed to the nth level...both me and jas,hehehe... and annoyed!and aggravated!and depressed!and,and....yun.

General rehearsal for president's day this saturday....WHOLE DAY na, from 7 am to 3 pm at camp crame. Ohgaaaaaad.... black as night,i shall be. The whole batch will have tan lines seen all the way from baguio with the heat of the sun now. Darned those people who destroy styrofoam and wreck the ozone layer even more!!!>:( haay. so much for that ateneo open house thingamajigy.

anyways, gaaaah! its almost 12 na pala! i gotta go, adios!!!

prom

2005-02-19T11:21:00.000+08:00

Practice makes perfect

Whoah, guess i haven't blogged in a long while.So darn busy these days that the the first thing i do when i get home is plop down on my bed and sleep. the past week, all i've been doing is attend practices here and there. I'm even scared to go out of the classroom,coz i'm sure that within a few minutes, one of the people from the groups i'm with are gonna find me somehow and say, "uy,practice mamaya ah?" and i give em my usual nod and "sige,sige" and sometimes without even thinking that there's also another practice with another group at that time. Heck, even staying IN the classroom is trouble, as i sit right next to Chua who tells me that we're gonna do all sorts of these nice songs tapos yun pala he hasn't even told the guitarists an so we cant play it. Sure, i didn't mind at all at first, its fun to be part of these things, but last thursday and friday i just couldn't take it anymore. Me, jas, karla, sugi and hazel were excused from class to practice for the formal dinner which is on feb 22 and 24. Parents,students and alumni are gonna be there, including some of the very big and famous people who used to study there. Anyway, we're all pressured kasi daw the other branches of OB ahd a really succesfull formal dinner, and of course, being the main branch we have to do better. The theme of the show for the dinner is everything that the alumni have done in the past, their big shows like headin' for broadway, fairy tales come true and ang galing ng pinoy. Friday was the general rehearsal, and they just fixed our skit (jasmine and aladdin) the night before. Well,ok lang. but i wish they'd send us home already if they knew that they were'nt gonna be able to work on our part. ;p Ok, so yesterday was dress rehearsal as well, and i provided the costumes for the poor cinderella, annie, and sandy in grease. I thought mine would be taken care of by the school na. But when we go to the costume and props room, i see this sparkly, sequins-y, blue BRA with dangling beads and a blue gypsyish skirt on a hanger and they tell me that THAT's Jasmine's costume. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!! and they wanted me to wear that without any flesh colored thingy inside. no freakin' way,man. After incesantly telling them that i HAVE to wear something inside at least, they finally gave it to me. And thats not all, it comes with finishing touches. there are these 2 sparkly arm bands, an equally sequinsy blue thingamajig that you wrap around your waste that makes you look like a belly dancer, and best of all, a band that you put on your head, that kinda looks like princess jasmine's crown except that instead of a stone in the middle, there's a big sparkly "J". Lovely,isn't it?
We had a tiring run through and rehearsal from 8:30 to 1, tapos rewind was supposed to perform pa at la dolce at 1. Gaaaaaaah!!!! luckily, babz was understanding enough to see that we were so exhausted and told the teacher na next week nalang kami magpe-perform. haay. thank you babz. We had an hour break,then at 2 to 6, practice again. Towards the end, mrs. ciricaco was loosing her head again and kept yelling and swearing at us through the microphone pa, and then the teachers started arguing about our performance sa assembly. geez, why do you guys have to make it so complicated? just dont make us perform for the assembly then! Anyways, after that, jasper tells us they want to practice pa after 6. ohmygaaaaaad. Sorry, but this time we just had to say no. "Bahala nalang tayo sa prom" he says, and i dont know if he meant that sarcastically. Well, yeah...bahala na sa prom. too tired to care.

Prom

Speaking of which, the prom is in 6 hours. I finally got my dress last night...it's ok, much better than last year's at least! Hmm, im not that excited. I just like the getting ready part (haha, such a girl) but then im sure it wont be as much fun as i want it to be. Heck, my date's even more excited than i am! Sometimes he's more girly than me and jas,hahaha. (keedeeng arvs!) Sigh, daya kasi, my friends are sleeping over at edsa shang after the prom, and i'm the only one out of my closest friends who wasn't allowed to go. POOP. I know my mom's reasons, and its not really because of that "no sleepovers as long as your a girl in this family" which has been a rule for 3 generations already. But....it's my last year!!!!!! :'( sigh...... this is one of the things i hate most, i'm always not able to go to these sorts of things, either coz of transpo or coz its a sleepover, its too far,etc.. i've missed a whole LOT of these during my high school life. SUCKS.

oh well, i gotta go now... tell you how it goes soon.

yuck

2005-02-13T01:02:00.000+08:00

i am SUCH an idiot.
words cannot describe how much i wanna just spontaneously combust right now.

lsgh fair yesterday. One of the worst days ever.Not coz of the fair, but what happened in it. I am such an idiot and the biggest plague that ever lived. It'd be better if i just rotted at home. I dont wanna face anyone anymore, not any of my friends, not anyone at all. Someone just shoot me. Gaaaah, i feel like total crap. When we got there palang, everything was ba na. I was so upset i that i made a slight scene in the far depths of the parking lot, although the only other person who saw it was the guard. He probably thought i was the most dramatic person ever. I probably was. My being upset had nothing to do with the fact that we didn't have tickets, although we didnt. We still were able to get in though, but being there made it worse, i probably should've never wanted to go in the first place. Maybe my curse for not being able to go to fairs had a purpose after all. I ruined everything. I'm such a horrible person. Being upset just makes you totally lose your head that you cant think straight anymore, and lose all sanity. I hate myself more than ever right now. There are just so many "if-onlies" going through my head. We all could've enjoyed it better, if only. if only i didn't exist. If only i knew what i was thinking. if only i wasn't so short tempered and uber sensitive. If only this were all a dream.

I hate myself with a passion right now.

2005-02-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

Ok. Not like the days are getting that much better, but lets just say it could be worse. Thank God i still have my bestbud. :( hahaha, lets start off with friday. This was when our band[hahaha] was gonna perform for the first time at la dolce. We performed during the lunch break of the freshmen and sophies, buti nalang,coz we weren't at all prepared! Chewy was absent most of the week so we only practiced a few hours before the thing itself. We only decided to do 3 songs muna: same ground and huwag na huwag by kitchie, and then torete. Jimminy christmas. the only thing that sounded matino was torete. Me and haze realized that kitchie's songs are nice to listen to, but are not to be performed by the likes of us.No sir,never again. Sabooooog!! gaaaah, i wanted to jump off the 6th floor after we performed.Eeeek.

Saturday, we had training for CAT at camp crame.MAJOR tanning done! You could see major tan marks on everyone's foreheads and arms. Oooh, but i got to be the platoon leader! The one assigned to us was absent, so an officer told me to take charge. yes naman.... after a while though, i got scared kasi di ko alam yung ibang commands, so i told hazel to take my place, and i became platoon sergeant nalang!:) it was fun, me and haze kept snickering as we marched, laughing at our stupid mistakes. haha, it was fun, i still got to give some of the commands, and was reffered to as "ma'am" by one of my batchmates! hihihihi... after CAT, me and my sis went straight to laguna. First to the dentist,(yes our dentist is in laguna) then to the factory na. My dad had this special dinner for some of his employees and he wanted me and my sis to sing a couple of songs for them and help entertain them. It went ok naman, and for the first time, he gave us a talent fee na!hahaha...500 bucks each,not bad for like, mga 4 songs lang,hehe. I missed sila tita irene,my dad and angie, so i had fun din naman in Laguna. It was such a nice day out, and the breeze there's still chilly! Perfect chance to just unwind.

Last week, finally had a prom gown made! I originally had one made na a month before, but then 2 weeks later, the girl said her laborers weren't gonna come anymore. Thank goodness we found someone capable of finishing a gown in 2 weeks. Gosh, hope it turns out ok, my gown last year was a disaster! eeeew. hmm... as i passed by the 4th year classrooms on the 4th floor or the "siyudad", i noticed that all of them had a daily countdown of the number of days left till graduation. note: 28. We must be the only class that doesn't count it down daily, all we know is that it's 30 something days, or 5 weeks, something like that. I realized that i'm not the only one who's not feeling the....well,i guess "spirit of graduation". My whole class seems to be ignoring the fact, or it's just not sinking in.Plus most of us just cant wait to get out. Ungrateful pricks? not really, it just doesnt seem to wanna sink in! and we've become bitter to a lot of the teachers na, i guess 4th year just wasn't our year. Ever since the first quarter, its all been so monotonous. We've never really looked forward to any subject or class, unlike last year when we'd have the best time pag CHEMISTRY.As in we loved chem,we loved our teachers. arrrrrrrrh. sad,sad,sad... especially coz i wanna make the most out of the 28 days we have left.

Today was so frustrating. I was supposed to watch a movie with joanne and jas at theater mall after dismissal, so i use kaye's phone and text my mom. She replied, "why, dont you have class?" and i already had a feeling she wouldnt let me. 5 o'clock came and she didnt reply anymore, so i assumed she didnt let me go. Haaaay. So while jas and joee watched a very long engagement, the plague was left alone and went to kameraworld to have some pics recopied nalang. at 6, i went back to school to wait for my driver. I was sitting outside on the benches with claud,jiggy,bernice,icey,kevin,emil, and others. one by one, they all started to leave, so kaming dalawa nalang ni emil dun. 6:30, and my driver wasn't there yet. So nag-bonding muna kami ni Emil, he made kwento bowt some stuffm,hahaha. 7, and still no sign of my driver. Some of the seniors passing by were already starting to get intrigued by the 2 of us sitting alone outside in the dark. (wahaha,naman...) so fine, we sneaked back into school( you aren't allowed to go back in once you've gone out) pasaway,hahaha. Finally, it sunk into me that maybe my mom DID allow me to watch the movie, and told my driver to pick me up at 7:30! sure enough, when i walked into school, kaye yelled out from the court, Patis! your mom texted, 7:30 ka raw susunduin! oooohhh great. Haay nako. So fine, i just wait for my driver to come fetch me nalang. I told Emil a while ago na if 30 mins go by and wala pa rin, gagapang na ako pauwi. Eh it was already 8,and wala pa rin! and then he brought it to my attention na baka nasa theater mall. Oh fudge. yeah,that makes sense. Stupid Triciaaaa!!!!! So on the way to theater mall, i see joee and jas, who've just come out of the movue. They frantically tell me that they just saw my driver but told him that i probably walked home na. Aaaaahhhhh!!!!! 2 hours just idley sitting around!! I was so frustrated na coz i really wanted to see that movie, and was starving and tired. plus my mom would kill me. Haay, my lifesaver of a bestbud came to the rescue and brought the sulky plague home. *thanks bestbud* :(

Humans never seem to have an ending to all their wants. You are never satisfied with what you have, and its always "i want this, i wish i had that, if only i was like this..." yatiyatiya.You keep wanting more than what you have, searching high and low, going to the depths of the earth just searching for answers. Finally, you realize that the one thing you've been searching for was sitting right under your nose the entire time...... nearly rotting just waiting for you to notice it. Some people are patient enough to wait for the ones they love to realize this, yet others often get restless. What if you let that one get away simply because of your selfishness and blindness? You keep thinking, there's gotta be more, but what if that was it? Some people complain about how lonely they are,that they'll never find it, but sometimes they're just too blind to see what's already right in front of them. Not all people are martyrs, they wont wait forever.

I'm such a doormat. Plus i tend to have too much faith in people, blindly believing that they're too nice to do certain things.People already warn me, but do i listen? NOPE. i'm so stupid. It would be better if it just left me alone. i was doing fine na,so peaceful and all. And then. Now i'm all flummoxed. Hate it. I am a plague.

yuck

2005-01-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

Probably one of the worst weeks ever.

My gaaaddd....Terrible week,i say. Even worse than exams week. I thought i'd be able to rest a little since its only the start of the 4th quarter, but HAH.Was i ever wrong.Di na ako nasanay sa ob. The scrapbook and the newspaper were both due this week, and last minute cramming was done in both projects.Kasi naman sa scrapbook,the teachers kept making last minute changes and kept changing the lay-out and what not.ang daming kaartehan when it was never like that since...ever.They just love giving students a hard time.Tapos for the newspaper, deadline was this friday and we haven't accomplished much even though we've been staying at arvin's house to do it. I've been multi-tasking more than i ever had before this week, doing the scrapbook in between classes and even during classes when the teacher wasn't really making us do much. So half of my table would be the scrapbook,and the other half would be some stinkin' seatwork, journal entry,or whatever and i'd be doing both.Grabeee,hassle.

Hmm,ok so thursday. May bago nanamang pakulo ang ob... they are now allowing students to showcase their talents in music by allowing the students with bands to perform in ob's restaurant, la dolce fontana during lunch time.Si Chua,Byron,JP and Darrel got me and hazel for their vocalists. Would've been really happy and all, but it somehow didnt feel right. Somehow the thought of it was weird to me, and i knew that that it'd just add even more hassle to the topsy-turvy life in school. I was right. So the bands have to audition pa and stuff to the principal,coz she only wants mellow music.Thats fine,not like i can sing rap or rock anyway. Tapos may mga schedules pa,one band per day,tapos dapat may outfits pa. And since all the slots were full na, if we'd get accepted we'd have to play during the 11-12 lunch break of the freshmen and sophomores, meaning we'd miss class and have to catch up nanaman.Pagod na ako sa kaka-catch up. I'm gonna be missing a lot na as it is, coz me,karla and jas are gonna be part of the formal dinner performance of the juniors. The theme is alumni's homecoming party, and we'll be doing a sort of excerpt of all the shows and plays that ob did in the past with sina lea salonga,aisa seguerra,isabel granada, geneva cruz,etc. Jas is gonna be little lea(annie), karla's gonna be cinderella and i'm gonna be princess jasmine.hehehe. Well, were gonna stay till after school and miss a few classes. .Oh yeah, and there's that performance for the prom that me,hazel and jas are gonna do with the o-five band in school.Magpa-practice din yun.so if i join the band pa, who'll probably practice din after school or on saturdays after CAT, goodness there'll be nothing left of me to go to college.I'd die before graduation.

Ok,so continuation.Here's one good thing that happened. During computer time, the bands that were supposed to audition were excused. We were supposed to play "same ground", but the chords were kinda alanganin coz kinapa lang nila yun and we didnt have time to practice. Plus i'm still a little paos, probably a left-over from the flu i had. Luckily,when the principal saw me, she didnt let us audition na since she said she knew me na and trusted that we wouldn't do anything rock or too loud or whatever.Hahaha,thats what you get from having such a small and matinis voice.No one would picture you singing a rock song.But then i dont really feel it,and am just doing it as a favor to hazel. Anyways, after school me and karla had to practice for that formal dinner thing, and we finished mga 6:15-6:30 na. Rushed to arvin's house and started again on the newspaper. We stayed till mga 10:30 to 11pm, and we all planned to finish up when we went home and not sleep,as much as possible. So i did all i had to and all i could do and finished at 5 am. Planned not to sleep anymore and just wait nalang for sunrise or something, but my bed was too inviting. Slept for 2 hours. 7:30, went to karla's house and the poor girl didnt sleep AT ALL. We planned on going to school nalang late,like at around lunch time so we could finish up. (all our parents knew about this by the way,and we had excuse letters). But then it was already noon and we still had so much stuff to do, so we ended up finishing it and literally running to school to submit it at 5 minutes to 5 o'clock. BARELY made it. At the gate, the guards stopped us, but then we practically just flung the excuse letters at them and rushed to the faculty room. As expected, our journ teacher was just a pain in the behind. And she, being one of the most saddistic teachers i have ever had said that she'd charge us of cutting classes coz our excuse letters only said that we'd be late, but we got to school dismissal na. What the hell?!? i mean, We went through hell just finishing this stupid requirement of hers, and i know that she knows we didnt cut and that we worked on it. Nagpapanggap na law-abiding. Ob has the stupidest system in history pa. We talked to our adviser, and he said it was ok naman eh. Later on, arvin texted and said that the principal would talk to us daw on monday. Oh my god. I've never been to the academic office for an incident report or whatever, and the fact that ALL my groupmates were the ones who got suspended doesn't help one bit. If they charge us for cutting classes i will seriously consider assasinating them. i told my mom and she agreed to make a letter saying that she knew about it and all, but knowing Duran and knowing OB, it's gonna be bad!! No sleep for 40 hours and this is what i get. Fudge. See, this is why i cant feel the sadness in graduating and leaving this place forever. With all thats been happening, we just cant wait to get out. We've been measured na for our togas, received our grad pics, picking out the grad song and whatever, and still i cant really feel the remorse of graduating. 5 weeks nalang....

finally over!

2005-01-21T19:58:00.000+08:00

Exams are over!!!

Finally, i can breathe. Actually, not really,hehe... i caught the Flu last sunday and it's still here. Stupid Flu vaccines dont work! Imagine trying to comprehend such flabbergasting questions, fighting back sleepiness, covering yourself from the draft of the aircon thats pointing right at you,and stopping the snot from dripping out of your nose(with just a few pulls of tissue, mind you) all at the same time. Couldn't study nga that much coz my head would hurt like crazy everytime i tried. Weird nga eh, this must be the first time that i didnt really care much about the exams anymore. Sure, i studied but i didn't kill myself doing it like i usually do.Plus there was no guilt.... it kinda feels nice! hahaha... and it didnt go so bad coz i got to answer all the problems in the stat exam, and math wasnt as hard as i expected. I was expecting to die. but im alive! Physics though,gaaahh... the things i studied didn't really come out, and the ones i disregarded did. hate it when that happens. Anyway, i wont bore you anymore bowt the stupid exams.

Requirements Galore

Aaaah. exams are over, but then there are still the endless requirements left and right. There's that stinkin' newspaper project for journ that we have to do, the scrapbook for foodtech whose layout has been revised by the teachers about 3 times now, and those stupid economics notes that i will forever be too tamad to do. but although the newspaper thing is such a hassle, it can be fun,hehe. After the exams, we'd go to arvin's place to work on it, and for the first time (you know me, barely get to watch tv) i saw Jesse McCartney's video, "beautiful soul".Aaaaaahhhh, he's so cute!!!I used to hate that song, thinking it was Aaron Carter who sang it and that the lyrics said "i want you when you're beautiful", but then when i finally saw it on myx....Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! haha, it's been stuck in my head non-stop now, and i've pissed my sister off with it.hihihihi. My new crush. Hey, cut me some slack, i still am entitled to teeny-bopper crushes as i AM still a teen though i only have the last 2 years left. ;p Plus dont worry, i wont go posting him on my wall or anything!hehe...I cant even remember my last one, i think it was either Hayden Christensen or Heath Ledger,haha...but they're not exactly teens. Anyways,i've only seen it once and i cant even remember exactly what he looks like, but i still think he's hot!haha.

The Hobbit and the Ogre

Today was the last day of exams, we only had accounting but then the rest of the day we'd have to have regular classes. i know, it sucks bigtime. But then i was only half-day coz i had to accompany my sis to Paco Park and Luneta park to get pics for her project. Noone else could go with her, and since i wouldn't really miss much, my mom let me go. (had to go through a lot of hassling stuff at school just to leave though) So we went to Paco Park first, where Rizal and Gomburza were buried pala. Was cool, i love going to places like that! Old ruins or historical places and things. At Luneta, we went to the part where there's a light and sound show of the last few moments of Rizal's life,(no light and sound show then,though) and all the statues portraying him and other people. Man, i was Literally only HALF of those statues!haha, but then me and my sis were posing with the shorter ones, looking and being all retarded next to their serious faces.hehe, it was fuuun! A fun date with my sis na parang field trip,hehe.

Batch Party

We're having a batch party tomorrow here lang in Greenhills, but then one of the repper's of T1 is celebrating her debut that night as well! And im already committed to that, so i dunno if i can go pa to the batch party despite it being so nearby.Arrgh. Heeeyyyy... Ateneo Fair next saturday, chiara's just invited me to go with her and stuff, wonder if i'll be able to go this time or if my curse of last-minute-things-keep-happening-to-me-that-prevent-me-from-going-to-any-fairs will still live on. I feel bad nga eh, i've NEVER been to the assumption fair! i keep telling chiara pa naman that i will,but the mentioned curse keeps happening. My whole high school life,i've only been to the st.paul fair but only coz jas was gonna play.Geez, i've only got 2 months left, i need to lift this curse before i graduate!

Graduation blues... but not that kind.

I feel odd. Normally, being the emotional mess that i usually am, i'd be all remorseful about almost graduating and leaving high school. but i'm not! in fact, most of us are just excited to leave. Probably because our 4th year's been so bad. I mean, i loved 2004.. when i look back on it, it was a very eventful year for me and all, but 4th year wasn't so great. Nothing will ever be able to beat 3rd year. Although if Miguel were still our classmate... yeah, i'm sure you've heard this a thousand times. I just cant stop wondering or wishing that he was still our classmate. the 3H that used to be is now 4C,his class. Haay. I know im gonna miss my friends a WHOLE LOT. but right now,i'm just not feeling emotional about it at all. In fact, they were already getting our measurements today for the toga, and i've watched our AVP na and the pics of us in 4th year flashed by, but still nothing.I felt sad, but not sad enough to cry. I need to cry. Maybe its one of those times when it'll just hit you when it actually happens. Or maybe it still hasn't sunken in that i am in fact 17,in 4th year, and am about to leave high school for good. What's wrong with me?! I've been feeling weird lately.Well, weirder than usual. I sometimes surprise myself with my thoughts, coz i wouldn't normally feel or think that way. Oh my.... could it be? I think i may be getting that first step off the neverland...... wendy's finally growing up.

I dont know whether that makes me happy or sad.

haha

2005-01-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

Not much to say right now, well actually i do, but i'm just feeling too tamad to actually type it. All i can say is, today was an uber KILLER DAY!!!! NYAAAAARRRGHH!!!! long tests in every subject and i didnt get to study for them because our stinkin' economics teacher thinks his subject is the only one we have and piles up all sorts of stuff due the next day(today). Gaaaahhh... thought i'd pass out na last night! kinda did actually, when i finally lied down on my bed to stretch my back, poof...was a goner in about 8 seconds. Only realized when my cd stopped playing and made a weird noise. Only 4 hours of sleep again for me....cant seem to sleep before 2 o'clock anymore! haay, tapos exams nanaman next week, and i'm not confident in ANY of the subjects,not even French! waaaah, i dont know how to speak french anymore! those wonderful lazy days during the christmas vacation wiped out everything i've learned in school. WAit, i'm blabbing again, i said i wouldn't write much! anyways..... was just browsing through the net when i came across the lyrics of one of the millions of favorite songs i have. I love it coz the lyrics are so cute and i can relate to the embarrassing-ness of it.....though what he talks about is worse,i can relate! haha, gotta love John Mayer.......

My stupid mouth has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see she was offended
She said well anyway..
just dying for a subject change.

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do?
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess
with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good,
what just slipped out,
and what went wrong

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again
How could I forget?
Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do?
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now
Starting now

One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked, just wanna be funny
Looks like the joke's on me
So call me Captain Backfire

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
Starting now
Starting now

for jas

2005-01-09T01:18:00.000+08:00

Ok, for now this entry will go to my bestbud, who's busy frolicking with the kangaroos and koalas in sydney. :)

Things missed:
(homeworks; the day-by-day ntbk i made is lost in the jungle, otherwise known as my room.will show it all to you when there is daylight.)

English- had notes and a quiz. Read the final chaps of the odyssey, and about parallelism. Answer act.5 on p.64, and act. 6 on pp.65-66 pf cv3.
Foodtech- Individual proj: choose 1 recipe of preserved foods that can be done in the lab within 2 hrs. (for 1-2 servings), submit proposal on tuesday when you get back. no duplication of recipes with other classmates.OB will provide the budget for the ingredients(P250).
- they also changed the scrapbook nanaman. Hassle! anyway, i'll show you the new lay-out when you get back.notebook is due monday. in your case,tuesday siguro.
Filipino- reports on ibong mandaragit. Journal entries: 1) isang hinahangaang mag-aaral and 2)"sekswalidad"-->she said she forgot the real title. due TUESDAY.
VE- longtest on chaps 16-20 on tuesday.
Journalism- The NEWSPAPERs are due JANUARY 17. this is murder. we have a longtest on tuesday.
Math- we have new notes and we had a quiz. it wasnt that hard,surprisingly.
Physics- we're gonna have long test 1 and 2, and quizzes 3 and 4. didnt quite catch when though :(
Accounting- we had a seatwork. essay lang, bowt your new year's wishes. cinareer naming lahat;)
PE- practiced the dances. dont worry, la pang chosen pairs.

thats about all the homeworks, on wednesday i was only half-day coz of my interview in UAP. But then they didnt really do much since there was a rehearsal for the intrams.

INTRAMS:
Thursday: boring! i was soooooo sleepy. stayed mostly with sina teriese. As for the glee club, all the 4th years except BIEN performed. kasi nung wed, pinatawag lahat ng glee club at 2pm, eh since walang memo, the teachers wouldnt excuse the students,dunno how bien got out. So during practice at 5,sila korinne tried explaining pero nag walk out daw si ma'am. oh well k lang, it was basically just marielle who was heard anyway,she sang i believe.
Volleyball: Seniors against juniors---> juniors won! ;p
Men's volleyball: i believe we are unbeatable.
Basketball: Seniors against Juniors----> we won, but it was a close call

Friday: Volleyball championships: Us against juniors---->we won,3 sets in a row!!
Men's Volleyball championships: no doubt, our guys rule.
Basketball championships: against the juniors again, WE WON!!! 41-49 ata yung score. Lance.Mark.Tuting....astig.;) Sa juniors, my husband was the star player. Exagg, ang galing niya in fairness. even if he refuses to utter a single word to me. but then he got injured. haha, go seniors! ;)
Cheerleading: we performed last. the juniors were the only ones without pompoms, style nila.si Michael something,yung senior dati was the one who helped them.he was there on stage with the other alumni's and kept cheering for them right behind us. Ang galing ng freshmen! sila carizza,bea,marielle and maryrose, ang cute nila, galing sumayaw! and guess what..... they won 2nd place ;) And for !st place....Who else?! it's our year indeed!woohoo!!!!! ang cute ng dance nila. Syempre, umiyak yung juniors. they were so confident that they'd win daw sabi ng iba.yung mga cheerleaders nga natin weren't confident that much eh!pero astiiiiig.:)
we also won in badminton, men's singles and doubles. Of course, mister Andre Gan kasi.

Anyways, for spirit day, you have 2 certificates! 1 for the suzuki delegate thing, and the other for winning gold in the CAT cup. In fairness, 1st time kong makasama sa mga awardees in the spirit day! j'adore CAT! wahahaha. you're certificates are with me.
hay,ayun lang. We missed you looooots! and Kaye has a lot to tell you when you get back. A lot indeed. :)

ehehe...

2005-01-03T21:00:00.000+08:00

Stoooopid tricia

I'm feeling much better now. not pissed,but this time guilty... i had no reason to be upset,really, its just my paranoia. You know,im weird.
kaye just brought this back to my memory today:

"It's the possibility of having your dreams come true that makes life interesting" -The Alchemist

makes me feel much better,yet stupider for all my "je deteste-ness". new year,no more bitterness! "be optimistic,dont be a grumpy,just smile,smile,smile....":)

hmm nga eh.

2005-01-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

STIL ANNOYED.STILL PISSED. Je deteste....it. I feel like shooting something....or someone? hehehe.. good thing i went out last night though, i really did NOT wanna be stuck at home alone with my thoughts. Last night we had a cousininity, me,my sis,my bro, and my cousins john,abbey and mico went out to this bar in makati. forgot the name though,er....Tiananmen?hehehe.We were supposed to go to greenbelt,but they said it was too full so we went there instead.Funny story: My brother texted my mom asking where she was, and she said that she was off drinking with her cousins.My bro answered, "oh that's ok, we're off drinking with our cousins too." then when we went upstairs, lo and behold! there my mom was drinking with her cousins indeed. hehehe,we stayed at another table but visisted each other from time to time. It was fun,this was the first time i ever went out with them,me being the youngest among them and all. I was quite smashed,hihihihi! only had about 3 margaritas,but that was enough to make me all weird and stupid-like. Well okay, weirdER and stupidER than usual. They were laughing at how stupid the expression on my face probably looked, so kuya told my ate to bring me to my mom; it'd make her proud. (thats not a bad thing ok,we torreses just have really weird ways) Hehe,so i sat there with my mum and tito allan, and we were having a laugh trip over this "secret admirer" of tito allan who had really bad grammar.Mean, but you'd laugh too if you saw the messages! anyways, back at the cousininity table, we were sharing all these stories of the stupid things we've done when we were younger and all that,then about more serious stuff like our parents and the sort.Was a lot of fun, i enjoyed new year's.

hmm,the living dead has sprung to life again! something i believed to be gone and kept in a heavy-bolted drawer for all eternity is SORT OF alive again. But i'm not THAT stupid, i'm just appreciating the thoughtfulness. Coz if it were to be alive again,geez that would be the third time.And as i said, i'm not THAT stupid. (chiara, you can exhale now.)

School tomorrow!haaay, so the vacation's finally over. it was fun, even though we went to laguna and back endlessly, finally i had my days of rest and pigging out. Intrams are this week,yaaaay, go seniors!!!!!! oh, and wish me luck for my interview at UA&P this wednesday! aaaagghh.

Jas. I cannot believe you just...did that!! lagot ka sakin when you come back! bwahahaha...
Arvs. sorry couldnt reply the other night, had no credits! but yes, i'm okay. :)
Reppers.who's going to the ac juniors party,venido? do tell!=) hope i can go,hehe.

Congrats to everyone who passed DLSU! i was bored one night and typed in almost all the names of the 4th years i know to see if you guys passed. hehe.Congrats!=)

c'est tout, au revoir!

yuck,

2005-01-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

Extremely annoyed.
Frustrated.
Pissed at myself.
I’m so freakin’ stupid.
“helooooo?!?!?!?!”
Can everyone just forget about my existence right now?
There is no me.
I do not exist at the moment.

Man,I’m so stupid.hate it.

Je deteste!!!! Je deteste oozingness.
YES,you read it right.
Someone kill me right now,this stinks BIG time.

AAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Have no idea of what i'm talking about? GOOD. i hate it.

lalala...

2004-12-29T20:52:00.000+08:00

Salut! been kinda tamad to blog lately, but since Arvin recently confessed that he is an avid reader of my blog and gets disappointed when he sees that i haven't updated,well i guess i'm gonna blog again.Have a few things to share anyway!haha, so here Arvs, enjoy...(that goes for the rest of you,too!)

FIRST THINGS FIRST: i Finaaaaaally got a call bowt my interview in UA&P!!! woohoooooo!!! man, i was starting to get really scared na that i might not even get called for one...phew! it's on jan 5 at 4pm..next week na!!! aaaahhhh!!! Oh please God, dont let me say anything utterly moronic,or space out and get mental block, and please let whatever i say actually make SENSE!! (0.0)

Christmas is over
I cant believe it. It's all over, and this must be the year that i did NOT feel christmassy on the day itself. For someone who suddenly blurts out of nowhere that it feels like christmas in july or august,it really depresses me. It has a lot to do with the series of traditions or yearly christmas happenings that did not actually happen this year:
1)I usually start my xmas shopping in october and go to atleast 2 or 3 bazaars,but this year i started on the 2nd week of december,and didnt get to go to any bazaars.
2)My mom,my sister and i usually set up the old xmas tree together and get a lot of allergies coz of all the dust after.This year though, we bought a whole new tree and ornaments to match which mostly only my mom put up,coz we didnt wanna ruin the designings na. Not a single allergy in sight,nor the sound of sniffles from all the dust.
3)Me and my sis go walk around the neighborhood shortly before or after dinner to see all the houses lit up,but this year, we were too tamad to do it. ;p
4)We usually sing for the simbang gabi at casa verde,but didnt get to this year.
5)Chiara and her cousins from the other side always spend xmas eve at our house, so everywhere is filled with noisy and messy little kids,playing and pushing, with chiara's younger bros always picking on me.This year,they all spent it at their house so there were no noisy little kiddie cousins,no 10 and 11-year old boys bullying me, and no chiara. :( There were but 2 children that i've never seen before,but at the mere sight of KIDS,i got up and started playing with them.
6) The xmas party with my dad's side was kinda weird...everyone was asked to sing(against our wills) and it kinda got annoying na.It sorta turned into a contest between the families or something.saaaad. The xmas party at school was weird too. Our 6 precious friends,classmates, and family members of 4H weren't there coz of that stupid suspension...so it wasn't as fun as it could have been.

There were a few small times when i had suddenly felt that true christmas spirit that i always look forward to having and feeling again each year, but it lasted for only a few minutes. And when i tried to remember what i had suddenly remembered or thought about to feel it again, it had gone as soon as it had come. Well, there are reasons for everything, and sila Chiara DID drop by for a while at mga 1:30 am, so i guess it went ok.It's just sad coz this was my last christmas before i OFFICIALLY turn into an adult(aaaaack,*choke,choke* nooooo stinkin' way!!!!!!!) and so i really wanted to spend it with my whole family.As little cousins as i have on my mom's side, they're the perfect ingredient to having a blast of a christmas. Next year......HA, i'm still gonna be wendy!

Holiday Fat

Haven't blogged in a while,owing to the fact that i've been to laguna and back around 3 times in the past week, and it's been quite a hassle,really. Just came home last monday and i must say... i'm thrilled! All i ever do there is sleep,eat and stay glued to the huge tv...oh and did i mention eat?oh, and eat?and let's not forget EAT as well! Grabe, from the moment we open our eyes to the time we shut them,that's all that we ever do,hehehe.... and when you're there, you'll completely lose track of time,you dont really pay much attention to your phone(unless you're like me), and so you transform into a total couch potato.=p Dont get me wrong, its a lotta fun to do and all, but it's too much of a good thing when you do it continuously for several days na,ya know? Plus i guess i'm just used to always being busy and always having something to do, so i get restless,hehe. Anyways,i'm pretty sure i've gained a whole lot from the holidays...sooooo much good food!So i'm looking forward to those saturday trainings for CAT now, to help me lose all this fat=p hahahaha....

Christmas moolah!
Aaaaahhhh...ONE of the best things that you can get for christmas,hehe. I've been on several shopping sprees lately, and i'm darn proud of my purchases! Usually kasi, i take foreeeeever to decide if i want to buy something or not....like if it's really worthit,if i really like it,if i'd actually use it,if i might be able to find something better elsewhere and so on. But this time, it only took me mga 2 mind-boggling questions for myself until i finally bought the stuff!haha... bought tops, pants,skirts,perfume...and i forget what else.haha, wala lang,it's rare that i come home and am still happy i bought those items!

It's now 9:45 on a wednesday night,and tricia is home alone. Her siblings and mother have abandoned her yet again to go to some dinner with friends and such.Haha, its ok, solo ko nanaman yung computer ngayon,hehehehe.... anwyays, thats all for now, i gotta go do some other stuff. =) au revoir for now!

2004

2004-12-21T17:37:00.000+08:00

A TRIBUTE TO 2004:

JANUARY- the start of a new year for 3H; prom preparations and lotsa last-minute stuff...dance practices;formal dinner preparations;exams;field trip to intramuros; Newspaper project wherein i only slept for an hour.

FEBRUARY- Elocutions(go miggy!); JS Prom 2004(Mandarin Oriental); Formal dinner(Grassroots Leadership Party); lsgh prom;Bianca's b-day;hehe...uhh...cant quite remember anything else

MARCH- Sad month...last few days of 3H; President's Day; POC voice lessons; final exams for 3rd year; Graduation of the seniors; Fontana with friends(my first sleepover with friends!how did that happen? I will never know...all thanks to my brother.); Mondialogo meetings

APRIL- Went to Punta Fuego; Rep begins-T-3! month i was supposed to leave for the states; enrollment for school; went to Boracay and Caliraya;Gary V concert with jas..(gummibear?!?haha!),;Maksim concert; my first time ever to have Jazz and Tap dance lessons!

MAY- was casted as "cosette" in forbidden broadway; Family went to balai- tricia home alone(all for the love of rep); mother's day;elections; jana's bday; prop making; performed at abs-cbn's 'Breakfast' with some reppers; jas's bday; showcase night;T-3 cast parties and gimmiks

JUNE- showing of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(watched it 5 times); went to mia's house and my first blog was born; Mia and Jas's cult is formed; Oozing and "dobs" are born; Mondialogo shooting around gh and gb3; went sailing in Caliraya; kaye's bday; father's day; first day of 4th year highschool(miggy,mansy and others transferred...started out sad already); acquaintance party; Julius' "ending game",hehehe

JULY- My birthday; Miggy's bday;Ella Enchanted(Poveda's premiere!); 1st day of CAT training, and the endless memorable CAT moments begin...

AUGUST- Gary V concert-watched Jas play!;UPCAT's;Patty's bday; kuya and Patty's anniv(5years!); Ate's,Karla's and Sheela's bdays; essay writing and application form finishing; Retreat;1st quarter exams; watched "A midsummer night's dream" at the RCBC; watched U-turn play for the first time in Tapika; my "daughter",Alexa is born;went to the spa for the first time; got Tubby, and after 2 weeks or so, had to give him away.....i miss you,Tubbers.

SEPTEMBER- Teriese's bday;Als' bday; Fancy drill try-outs, got my bloody knuckles that have now turned into scars; joined the model unit-->Alpha 2,woohoo!; got my '"tatoo",hehe..; ACET; All the hassling rehearsals and recordings for the sing-out; The Sing-out; Lola Milita's funeral

OCTOBER- UAP entrance test;Alicia Keys Concert; Mia's bday;UAP orientation;tito joe's,mama's and chiara's birthdays; chiara's bday party in casa (after,watched white chicks,U-turn and side A with her and tj); UST exam; 2nd quarter exams; got my sun sim; drug incident; sem break; FLU vaccine,hehehe...

NOVEMBER- Model unit training; Inter-Platoon Competition(2nd place,charlie 1!);Elocution try-outs; psycho maid; Christmas tree and decor-buying rage; sungit month for me(darned trainings and classroom life); Sang at the confirmation of some students in Santuario; CAT cup in Valenzuela-->1st place fancy drills!1st place weapons theoretical,hehehe...; Zeneida Amador's wake; a sorta bad trip month..

DECEMBER- Elocution eliminations; joee's bday; got my 2 new hamsters, Penny and Pip!; Mini Mart; Haze'ls modeling thingie- lsgh's naughty by nature; project kaibigan; 4H christmas party; the birth of my new blog; last minute xmas shopping; laguna-manila back and forth; and the rest is history...well, atleast these are all i could remember,hehe.

2 more weeks before the end of 2004! well, it's been an interesting year... although a lot of things have happened in 4th year that i wish i could change or wish had never happened at all, it's been a challenge to all of us. waaaaah, i'm graduating in less than 3 months! how time flies...hmm,i wonder what 2005 holds in store?

Home for the holidays

2004-12-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

Hey! just came home from my dad's place in laguna...we slept over there last night coz it was my dad's surprise birthday party, and the family and some of his friends from the office were there. They hired a band, and unexpectedly,they actually played the alternative songs and stuff!hehe, later on, me and my sis had to sing for my dad, so we had this duet....and then mamaya-maya, when the band came back, they asked us to sing more songs with them and stuff. (we should have a talent fee by now!! if me and my sis were paid for every performance we've ever done since we were born, we'd be filthy rich by now.Bwahahaha...) My brother played the guitar din, him and tito joey, who's about the same age as my sister. Sooo cool, for the hardcore rock fans out there, this would truly be something to see(and hear). Back in Manila, my friends were at a bar in celebration of our adviser's birthday...hehe,i'm not even sure if he actually went!hehe, but they had fun rin naman i'm sure. Oh yeah, after laguna, we went to alabang for my baby cousin's bday,then we went to a bazaar( the only bazaar i got to go to this xmas!!!)hehe, got stuff for myself, i feel bad nga eh, should be shopping for others!:-( Hmm, saw reg!:) weeee,i miss her! unfortunately, couldn't stay and chat for long coz we had to go.

hmm, last friday we had a grade 7 reunion. This was supposed to be ages ago, but it never really pushed through coz of all the hectic schedules and all. But since we're seniors now and it was practically now ot never, we finally had it. It was in the rooftop of Westwood towers in greenhills, and at first we were only about 15 or so, and most of us were the ones that still studied in ob. It was kinda awkward pa and all, coz we really didnt know how to open up and stuff, so medyo kanya-kanyang grupo muna. Some of us went down to buy something at mini stop, and we saw jino!... with his girlfriend. We were all kinda shocked,not being sure if it was his girlfriend ba or tita or something, and......well, let's just say we were shocked.C'est tout, no other comment. Anyways, the atmosphere was so awkward talaga, the person who bullied a whole lotta people before was there, and well, ganun pa rin siya. Still intimidating, still makes you nervous, and still has the same aura.Yipes. got along well naman with the guys. hay, well, jas was my ride home, so i went home with her, which was still kinda early, but it was ok since i felt really uncomfortable and all. Later on though, more people came daw and it actually turned out to be fun! hehe, well, good to know the money i paid went to something good rin naman, hehehe..

Almost everyone i know is going somewhere this christmas. Australia, Cebu, Boracay, Africa, the beaches, etc! Sadly, we'll just be staying here this christmas season, and the farthest we'll probably reach is laguna. Sigh. i felt like going away pa naman this year.oh well. I cant believe that i lost my christmas spirit.ME, the person who feels it when it's only the middle of july or something. I dunno, as it edged closer to christmas, the feeling sort of withered away. probably coz of all the tragedy thats been happening and everything. but today, as we were coming home from alabang and we passed all the pretty houses, and the nice pine trees that looked so beautiful with the clear blue sky, well, it kinda came back din. Plus i saw most of my relatives from my dad's side which usually only happens at christmas, so there. there's just this certain essence that makes it feel totally like christmas, and that's what i try to find each year. Hmm, i felt it a whole lot last year, though i cant remember why, hehe.

haay nako, i'm off blabbing again. Boredom!! anyways, till next time! i probably wont be able to blog the next few days, so just in case.....

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!
Joyeux Noel tout le monde!!!

Oh la la...

2004-12-17T10:46:00.000+08:00

Hellooo all! yayness, my first entry ever in my new blog! ;) Well, school has finally ended, and the start of my nice and much-awaited long slumbers has now begun. Our last day was on wednesday, and before our christmas party, some of us seniors had duty for CAT. The kids from OB's pagsasarili schools came over, it's part of this "project kaibigan" thing that we have annually and we had to take care of them, make sure they had a good time, an sorta be their yaya's for the day. hehehehe :) I've always wanted to help out in these kinds of things, like hands on manila and stuff, but never got the chance to, so now i was really excited! We were gonna be assigned 10 kids each, but i only ended up getting 8 kasi kulang yung iba. Anyways, so i brought them up to the grade 4 classrooms where they were gonna join the christmas party of the 4th graders. They were about 5 to 6 years old, and they were so cute! yay,more hobbit friends more me,hehehe.... we had to spread them out in all the classes, eh nagkulang nanaman, so they got 4 kids from me. Aww, so now i only had 4 narin. But then i realized that was actually a blessing coz these kids were so makulit! every 5 minutes or so, one of them had to go to the bathroom, and i was like, "Uh...ok,sige punta tayo.." and so, unlike the other cadets that were with me on that floor, i braved the boys' bathroom. (The others would just make them use the girls' bathroom, now why didn't i think of that?!) And being the plague or curse that i am, some guy would always enter the bathroom when i was there waiting for my kid to finish his business. Oh,Tricia. Anyways, while we were in the party of the 4th graders, it suddenly struck me how different the times have become. The kids dressed up like teenagers, and the songs they were playing were puro Usher and r&b stuff! Geez, when i was in grade 4, i was into the spice girls and backstreet boys and stuff.haha. Well, when i was at the side of the classroom watching them, this boy comes up to me. "Hi highschool!" he says. "are you a senior?" "Um, yeah..why?" i reply. "Ooooh, do you know Jasmine Balbutin?" he asks. Yeees naman, my bestfriend seems to be popular among the gradeschoolers, as a lot of them seem to know her. So i find out he plays the violin as well, and he tells me all about his life, his favorite composers, his favorite TV shows and books,what he wants to take up in college and so on. Wow, buti pa siya, he knows what he wants! hehehe, and then he asks me if i had a sister and a brother. I tell him i do and that i'm the youngest, and he clasps his hands together and tilts his head and goes, "ooooh,me too! i have 3 older brothers though, and it's so yucky coz their all obese. Well, excpet for my 19-year old brother, he's the only slim one.He's my favorite" and again with the matching clasp of the hands and tilting of the head. And during the whole time that i was trying to entertain my kids and make sure they were ok, this guy just kept telling me more and more stuff, like how he wants to change his name to Raven in honor of his favorite tv show and how he wants to open up his 3rd eye and see ghosts and stuff. Well, he was certainly a character i'll never forget! atleast he kept me from boredom, hehe.
Anyways, by this time, my 4 "alagas" have been to the bathroom 3 times each, which means 12 visits to the boys bathroom for me. I'm just thankful it wasn't the bathroom of the highschool guys, coz it smells like nothing i have ever known in there. Well, atleast they have developed a new nickname for me, they started calling me "ate patty". I figured 'patricia' was too long, and 'tricia' was nakaka-bulol, so i just told them to call me ate pat...which they eventually turned into ate patty. hehe,it's kinda cute! Well, they started getting restless and started going in and out of the classroom and i had to keep making them come back in, until finally it was time for them to go up to the gym where they would have their own christmas party with the rest of the pagsasarili kids. Then there was 1 kid who i think got separated from his group and his 'ate', probably coz he was so makulit, so i let him join my group. And so we meet Stephen, the most hyper-active kid among my alagas. He and German, one of the kids who keep going to the bathroom, were the pinakamadaldal ones, but i didnt mind at all. :) Up at the gym, we let them watch this christmas cartoon, then christmas presentations from the primary and intermediate glee clubs (thank goodness we weren't part of that anymore), then games and giving away of gifts. anyway, as it was nearing the end, i sat in between them all, and it felt so good just to be among them and stuff, like having little brothers and sisters talaga. We almost cried when it was time for them to go home, we started getting attached to them na and everything!hehehe.... wala lang, after that we changed and had our class christmas party, as the one with the batch got cancelled. oh well. yun lang....

hmmm....was supposed to go out somewhere tonight! or even today rather! but due to annoying schedules, i'm gonna be somewhere i dont really wanna be in. arrrrgh. sigh....
will blog again soon. :) in case i cant blog on the day itself, which im pretty sure i wont, Merry Christmas everyone!!!! :)

testing

2004-12-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

just testing. delete this na lang... =)