Saturday, November 26, 2005
What's worse, the feeling of intense anger or intense guilt?
would you rather feel hate, or feel hated? If I could refrain from dealing with both, I certainly would, but I, unfortunately am human as well and cannot restrain from feeling either. I constantly keep wishing that the world I see in my daydreams could be the one that I had to live in. A world where the sky would stay in sunset or twilight mode, where things or people would never have to grow old, and where you'd never have to worry about anything. Time would be endless, and could rewind, fast forward or freeze as you please. In short, I still dream of a world where I could belong, where I could be alone but not FEEL alone. I still dream of Neverland.
I never am good with dealing with any emotion other than happy. If i feel anything else it tends to eat me up and chew me into thousands of miniscule pieces before spitting me out on the ground. All I would ever feel or think about for that entire day would be that feeling. But between anger and guilt, I guess I'd rather feel anger for the reason that I can easily brainwash myself to think that it's okay, or it's not that bad, and sometimes even just let it pass. but I don't think I could ever live with myself again if I felt really guilty about something. So when the time comes when someone does me wrong, all I really want is a whole-hearted sorry and i'm okay. I could even forget about the whole thing. But I just really want to avoid having to avoid, or being avoided. It eats me up to the same intensity of feeling any negative feeling coz I don't know whether it's my fault or not or whatever. That's one sure way to make me crazy.
Now I think i'm just babbling. but basta....
I HATE ignoring and being ignored.
tricia grew up
at 7:17 PM
