Where the spirit does not work with the hand there is no art.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

NEW BLOG!!!

http://sunsetcradle.livejournal.com :)

tricia grew up at 11:44 PM

Friday, February 24, 2006

After 2 months of absence, i'm back to blogging here. I haven't been blogging that much in fact, although i've been thinking about so much things these past 5 months compared to probably my whole life. I guess i can never figure out a way to say the things i want to, although when i'm not sitting in front of the computer, such profound thoughts that would have made brilliant entries come to mind. and i guess with my other blog i feel more pressured, since i know people do read it. And well, knowing that nobody goes to this one anymore, i can pretty much say anything i want to without having the pressure of actually making sense. but who knows, maybe tonight will be a good night.

So, where DO i start??

We did it again.
Our show turned our okay. For those who don't know (if, by some odd chance someone happens to drop by here), we had a re-run of our last summer's workshop production but this time it was called Looney Alley. The cast was cut down from nearly 40 people to a mere 16, this time having only the leads; or at least, those who could join. The final cast composed of Andre, Jam,Mimi,Eina,Ina,Trixie,Sam,Jorel,Jay-ar,JC,JP,Ton,Sherwin, Tom and of course, me. Rehearsals went on for only about 6 weeks, and only during weekends except for show week. We also had 2 mini-shows for Rotary Club in order to get sponsors and stuff. Well in short, it was back to all of us getting together again, going home late, kain, kwento, mang-gago, singing, dancing,laughing, the likes of the past summer. And all i can say is that it ended way to fast. The show came and gone and in a snap it was over. Another taste of euphoria and bliss taken away so suddenly. Ugh. But it was fun while it lasted, and it was just what i needed to finally get things off my back. Thanks to certain people and events, i now understand why the things that happened happened. And i don't feel regret or anger or anything, just understanding. Fiiiiinally. Always thought i'd move on by just forgetting it without really understanding everything. Well, here's the full end to that whole thingamajiggy, hopefully.

Dreams, dreams, dreams.
I've been thinking a lot about my life and where i want it to go. I've always hated questions like "Where do you see yourself 5-10 years from now?" because i never really could answer it. I've already had my advisement for the 2 tracks i want to take in my course, and although i did start out wanting communication and psychology, i suddenly wanted to take information design. Theater Arts was one of the choices as well, but i didn't want to take it since i think i could still go into theater without having to take it up. All this also led me to think about this summer. This will be the first summer in 4 straight years that i will not join Rep's workshops. Every year i used to look forward to it and would even blow off the chance of going to another country for the chance to join Rep. (For those who don't know, i am a frustrated traveller.) That's how much i loved it. But now i actually don't want to anymore. If possible, i wanna go out and do the real thing, or atleast try something new. This is my year of new beginnings, and this summer would be the best opportunity. I wanted to work in Starbucks, or just do something i never really thought i would or could do. I'm only going to have 6 units during summer, so there'd be a lot of time. Sigh, dreams, dreams, dreams.

People Power again.
This year we celebrate the 20th anniversary of the 1st people power revolution against President Marcos in 1986. As the media said, today though is a "day of irony" as thousands of people have gone to EDSA and Ayala Avenue to rally against GMA. A "state of emergency" has been declared, but its validation is being questioned. Scares of coup de etat and Martial Law are up again, and i couldn't feel more baffled with feelings of anger and fear of this whole thing. I think Gloria has lost it. If Martial Law does get declared, i might even be arrested for saying that. It's times like these where your whole life and future seem to flash right in front of you while you sit restless and helpless at home.

Power of prayer, everybody.

tricia grew up at 8:51 PM

Sunday, December 25, 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS Everyone!!!! :o)

tricia grew up at 1:29 PM

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Ha. Since no one really knows about this blog or has forgotten it, I shall release and relieve myself by way of this space.

So what's been happening? I don't know. It seems the world around me has followed my example and has become unfortunate and/or cynical. My poor blockmates who used to have someone......well, don't anymore, to put it simply. It makes me feel worse coz seeing that other people are happy helps me become the jolly,skippy,hoppy me again. Knowing that others are doing okay gives me a sense of hope. So much for that.

I feel like so many things have changed, like i've changed but i'm not sure exactly how. this year's christams season feels different too... not that last year's was really happy or merry either, but I always expect the christmas season to cheer me up despite everything that's happened within the year. I feel like this huge fraction of me has been taken away. Maybe it's also coz i've been apart from my friends for so long too, and the activities that we used to have annually in OB are over, so my "rituals" are all messed up. I guess people really do have a need for a routine sometimes. Do you ever feel the urge to blow really hard when you see a line of ants going back and forth to wherever it is they're going? just to see them scramble about and then go back to their business? I feel like one of those ants i've so often bullied, but can't seem to return to my business normally. I mean, i'd be all-smiley and happy, but inside it just doesn't feel the same. And so my mask is worn again, hoping that I would believe it myself.

but who am i kidding in the end?

Yup. Just me, only me. . . .

always me.

tricia grew up at 6:30 PM

Saturday, November 26, 2005

What's worse, the feeling of intense anger or intense guilt?

would you rather feel hate, or feel hated? If I could refrain from dealing with both, I certainly would, but I, unfortunately am human as well and cannot restrain from feeling either. I constantly keep wishing that the world I see in my daydreams could be the one that I had to live in. A world where the sky would stay in sunset or twilight mode, where things or people would never have to grow old, and where you'd never have to worry about anything. Time would be endless, and could rewind, fast forward or freeze as you please. In short, I still dream of a world where I could belong, where I could be alone but not FEEL alone. I still dream of Neverland.

I never am good with dealing with any emotion other than happy. If i feel anything else it tends to eat me up and chew me into thousands of miniscule pieces before spitting me out on the ground. All I would ever feel or think about for that entire day would be that feeling. But between anger and guilt, I guess I'd rather feel anger for the reason that I can easily brainwash myself to think that it's okay, or it's not that bad, and sometimes even just let it pass. but I don't think I could ever live with myself again if I felt really guilty about something. So when the time comes when someone does me wrong, all I really want is a whole-hearted sorry and i'm okay. I could even forget about the whole thing. But I just really want to avoid having to avoid, or being avoided. It eats me up to the same intensity of feeling any negative feeling coz I don't know whether it's my fault or not or whatever. That's one sure way to make me crazy.

Now I think i'm just babbling. but basta....

I HATE ignoring and being ignored.

tricia grew up at 7:17 PM

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Ateneo BLUE REPERTORY Presents...

SWEET CHARITY OPEN AUDITIONS!
- Open to anyone in and out of the Ateneo

November 11 (Friday), 1PM to 3PM Gonzaga Dance Hall, 3rd Flr. Gonzaga Building (SONG). Prepare a Broadway Song, sung in acapella, with minus one, or piano piece. Bring 1X1 pic for audition forms. dANCE CALLbacks also on November 11,3pm to 5pm. So wear comfy clothes and shoes!
November 12 (Saturday), CALLBACKS, 1pm to 5pm, Gonzaga Dance Hall.
Please don't be late, since no song auditions after 3pm on Nov11. Please bring P40 for dstudy cds if u are called back

Don't miss this opportunity to be in a Tony Award winning and Bob Fosse original musical, BLUEREP'S BIGGEST PRODUCTION FOR THIS SCHOOL YEAR!! (Will be staged Feb24, 25, and March 3& 4, directed by Chari Arespacochaga and musical direction by Manman Angsico).

SPREAD THE WORD!! SEE U THERE!!

tricia grew up at 3:25 PM

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Je deteste.

tricia grew up at 12:44 PM